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Pembroke Mafia Football League: Spencer Rattler is sacked again

Welcome to week two of the Pembroke Mafia Football League, the world’s best PMFL by a long shot.

And, just so you know, South Carolina quarterback Spencer Rattle got sacked six more times while the above sentence was written. Oops, make that seven, er, eight. Who knew North Carolina had the world’s greatest pass rush?

Last week’s results: Ted O’Neil leads after one week with three misses. Mike Clark, Alex Floyd, Mike Brown, the Rev. Lawrence “Scary Larry” Butler and Ben Taylor came in second with four misses each. B.J. Clark, Noah Covington and Dr. Gene Wallace are in third with five misses, and your’s truly, Freddy Howell and Carter “Imperator Pius Esquamious Lucious Valentius Maximus” Infinger are in the cellar with six misses each. Ouch. Spencer Rattler just got sacked again. Twice.

This week’s games: Ole Miss at Tulane: Mike Clark takes the Green Wave. Their mascot looks like mouthwash.

Notre Dame at NC State: Everybody picks the Irish except Alex and his sons, Ellis and Lanier.

Marshall at East Carolina: Freddy and Alex take the Pirates. Avast, ye scurvy scalawags. Grog us some grog.

UAB at Georgia Southern: Everybody takes Iggles but THE WHITTEN. The Whitten still doesn’t like all that passing the ball around. Bring back Paul Johnson.

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh: Mike Clark, Carter and the Dentist only Cincy pickers. The Whitten wouldn’t pick a team from Ohio if Ted’s life depended on it.

Memphis vs. Arkansas State: The Dentist, Carter, Freddy and Alex and his young’uns take the Red Wolves. Texas at Bama: Bamaramalamajammayourmama. B.J. takes Texas because B.J. is an Awburn fan and is prohibited by the uniform code of Pembroke Mafia justice from picking the Tide in anything. The Whitten understands. The Whitten cannot pick Clemson, or Georgia, or Ohio State to win. The Whitten wants them to hear the lamentations of their women when their men lose to the Gamecocks! Sorry. The Whitten gets carried away.

Air Force at Sam Houston: Alex and Noah take Sam Houston. You know Sam Houston. He’s that little cartoon character with the mustaches who’s always shooting his six shooters and saying things like “Dern rabbit.”

Auburn at California: Noah and Ben take the Golden Bears from out west, who next year will be playing GHSA football. That’s a wrap.

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