In case you’ve been living under a rock at the bottom of the ocean without internet access, cable TV or a mailbox, there’s an election going down. It’s prompted my apolitical wife to say, after yet another political attack ad, “I’ll be so, so glad when it’s over.”
Except it’ll never be over. Ever never ever again. Instead, one side will win, the other will claim the winning side cheated – matters not how – and there’ll be recounts and court hearings, etc., stretching into the next election cycle so we can do it all again. But that’s only if one side doesn’t start shooting when they don’t get their way. It’s possible, you know.
In the meantime, here’s what I want to see as referendum item questions on my ballot in 2024. Seems some folks want a theocracy of sorts. Me, I want a return to a civil society and one in which I don’t feel like I’m in somebody’s way all the time.
Whitten’s ballot initiatives:
1. Shall there be term limits for members of Congress beginning immediately? If so, can it be made retroactive.
2. Shall those high intensity LED headlights now popular in full-sized pickups and large SUVs be made illegal given the discomfort and pain they cause to oncoming drivers and drivers stopped in front of them, particularly those with smaller vehicles?
3. Shall there be a moratorium put on residential development in the entirety of Coastal Georgia until such time as someone figures out how to name new subdivisions something that doesn’t sound cheesy (anything with Enclave in it) or consist of false advertising (a subdivision scraped clean of trees called “The Woodlands”?
4. Shall all Georgia residents 62 and older be exempt from paying ad valorem taxes on their personal properties for schools, and to make up that funding, shall there be an impact fee for education assessed on all new homes built in the state?
5. Shall career politicians henceforth and forever be prohibited from becoming lobbyists or becoming talking heads on cable news networks?
6. Shall cable news networks be required by law to provide at least 20 hours a day of real news programming, and if they can’t they will be shut down and estopped, etc.
7. Shall Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity be made to do their shtick wearing beanies and sucking on pacifiers?
8. Shall people who pitch fits at local government meetings be required to serve six months in public office, and have fits pitched at them?
9. Shall a statewide H-SPLOST (Hero Special Local Option Sales Tax) one-cent sales tax be enacted to enable local governments to pay first responders (law enforcement, fire, EMTs) what they’re really worth in our society, which is a lot more than most of us.
10. Shall people who drive slowly in the left-hand lane on highways and refuse to get over when faster traffic approaches be fined no less than $10,000 or required to spend 100 hours driving behind someone slower than them.
11. Shall Erk Russell be included in the College Football Hall of Fame regardless of whether the College Football Hall of Fame wants him there or not?
12. Shall Ohio State, Michigan and New York Mets merchandise be made illegal to display in public in Georgia or in the editor’s home state of South Carolina, where it has run rampant thanks to years of transplant migration southward?
13. Shall a 1-cent TSPLOST be created in order to build a roundabout around the state of Georgia in order to help slow population growth, conserve natural resources and restore some semblance of peace and quiet to everyday life?
14. Shall anyone who utters a profanity in a public space occupied by other people, or displays a written profanity on a vehicle, flag, sign, article of clothing or in any other matter, have their mouth washed out with soap by their grandmother, unless offender’s grandmother is deceased, in which case:
15. Shall a supply of sturdy grandmothers and bars of soap be kept in supply at the county level to provide for the enforcement of No. 14?
16. Shall people convicted of littering be required to spend 40 hours sleeping nude in county landfills?
17. Shall the U.S. reinstate the draft and require a form of compulsory service so that all citizens, regardless of race, creed, color, family connection or silver spoon, spend two years giving to something larger than themselves?
I’d vote yes to all of it.