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God bless America, and a lesson from Bond actor
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country

TULSA— God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Sir Roger Moore died in England Monday at the age of 89. May his life be a warning to you young Millennials. If you spend your life drinking French champagne, smoking Cuban cigars and hopping from bed to bed with every woman who looks twice at you, you’ll never make it to 90.

Pope Francis met President Trump Wednesday months after he’d said Trump isn’t a Christian if he builds a wall to guard the U.S. Pope Francis is guarded by a 40-foot-high wall, Vatican agents, the Swiss Guard, the Rome police and the Italian army. It’s the most protection a Catholic’s ever used.

President Trump was photographed taking in all the holy sites and shrines in Jerusalem this week. He’s obviously still at little new at this. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house when Benjamin Netanyahu gave Trump a centuries old Torah, and Trump autographed it and handed it back to him.

President Trump declared Tuesday that ISIS terrorists musn’t be called monsters because that makes them feel important. He insisted that they be called evil losers. And to think that they could have been evil winners, if only they’d learned how to make money in real estate with no money down.

President Trump spoke to reporters in the West Bank Tuesday when he brandished his talent for catchy invective and he referred to ISIS as evil losers. The next morning reality TV producer Mark Burnett was pitching Evil Losers to NBC. Every week, somebody new gets blown off the island.

Prime Minister Theresa May raised Britain’s terror threat level from severe to critical Tuesday after the Manchester terror attack. The world followed her lead. The U.S. upped the security at Major League stadium entrances and France raised its terror threat level from capitulation to collaboration.

Business Insider magazine conducted a survey to find out what was the wealthiest community in the state of California and La Jolla topped the survey list. How rich is it? Last week, somebody embezzled $50,000 from the Bank of La Jolla, and police are still searching for a motive.

The L.A. Times said the state’s proposed universal health care system would cost $400 billion. No one really gets sick out here. Californians are easily the healthiest people in the world but being built like a Kardashian or a Caitlyn is now considered a human right in Los Angeles.

The Jakarta Post reported that two Indonesian men were caught by anti-gay vigilantes having gay sex inside one of their cars in Jakarta. They have been sentenced by a judge to a public spanking. They plan to get caught again Friday and Sunday and then next Wednesday and Thursday.

The FCC announced Tuesday it won’t take action against CBS Late Night host Stephen Colbert or CBS over a vulgar and homophobic Trump joke he told to end a monologue a few weeks ago. Americans have a unique way of revealing what jokes we’re going to tolerate. We let the voters decide.

Mexican federal judge Vicente Zacarias who’s presiding over El Chapo’s trial was shot and killed while jogging outside Mexico City Monday. He was also presiding over the trials of two other cocaine drug lords. The Mexican police have the list of suspects narrowed down to everybody.

United Airlines is reported to be buying the naming rights to the Los Angeles Coliseum. That means that the seats will be moved in too close together, the ushers will be rude and threatening, and none of the games will start on time. People in L.A. will pack the joint just for the Chinese take-out.

Lance Armstrong was ordered to face the U.S. government suit against him in November. Many of us think it’s disgraceful the way Lance’s athletic ability has been discounted after he won the Tour de France seven times while he was on drugs. When I was on drugs I couldn’t even find my bike.

. Email Hamilton at

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