Welcome to week whatever of the Pembroke Mafia Football League, which with its affiliates and subsidiaries promises to be the best Mafia Football League in Pembroke, bar none.
Remember, accept no substitutes and don’t believe everything you hear.
It’s campaign season and people are running around making up all kinds of wild stuff. FAKE NEWS, you know. It works both ways. Sometimes it gets reported by the media, sometimes it gets reported to the media, sometimes it gets reported around the media.
It’s a weird world.
Now, before we continue it should be duly noted that next week Carla’s Furniture Gallery is holding its grand opening at 10 a.m. Nov. 13. Carla is one of our sponsors, or would be if we had any. So go out and check out her new building. It’s in the former IGA building, according to Pembroke City Administrator Alex Floyd, who also happens to be a member of the PMFL public relations staff. He said it looks fantastic and is a big deal when it comes to investing in downtown Pembroke.
In the meantime, if the PMFL had sponsors then we could be like NASCAR, and get decals and stickers to put on B.J. Clark, our CEO and longtime big shot in the Pembroke American Legion Post 164, where he’s in charge of building up the North Bryan Navy in case South Bryan, which has a certain public official who looks a whole lot like one of those Kim Il somebodies, launches a sneak attack and takes over Ellabell.
This because South Bryan needs more Dollar Generals and places to get your scratch off lottery tickets and chicken livers and liter bottles of that purple Fanta stuff. Doh.
The presidential election continues apace as this is being written, with a handful of states still counting votes. It’s so close Noah Covington, D-1 county commissioner and a personal friend of Kelly Leoffler, is considering taking his genuine resin coated, polyfiber reinforced pine bass boat paddle with the leather grips on it up to Atlanta and hitting the state’s head elections official upside the head with it.
And that’s the news for this week. Running out of time, money and friends.
Signed, your bud, Jeff Whitten, PMFL secretary.
Last week’s games: Richmond Hill City Clerk Dawnne Greene still leads the pack with 10 misses after another two-miss week. She cheats. Ted O’Neil, Michigan correspondent for the BCN, missed one and is in second place. He cheats too.
Bryan County Administrator Ben Taylor missed two and has 13 on the year, good enough for third place. B.J. is in fourth place with 16 misses; Mike Clark, the coolest dude ever to sell a tractor coil, is in fifth with 17; the Rev. Lawrence Butler, our spiritual advisor and the only one of us who doesn’t cheat, is in sixth with 18 misses; the aforementioned Floyd has 19 misses and is in seventh; his father, Pine Tree Baron Bob “The Ol’ Hooting Owl” Floyd, is tied with Whitten for 8th place with 20 misses on the year and bringing up the rear is Dr. Gene “Lima Bean Gallagher” Wallace, our resident retired dentist
– that’s a hammaslääkäri in Finnish, if you’re interested – and erstwhile District 5 commissioner. He has 813 misses, which is pretty good given we’ve only played about, what, 70 games or so?
Peace on Earth and goodwill to all men, even Democrats and Republicans.
This week’s games: By B.J. Clark: Stanford @ Oregon- Me, and Alex select Stanford, the rest go with Ugly Uniforms of Oregon.
Oklahoma ST @ Kansas ST-All Cowboys this week.
Air Force @ Army-Gene and Lawrence pick Air farce, rest go with Monkin’s lads.
Maryland @ PENN ST-Alex and Noah go with Ugly helmet Maryland and rest with Penn state ( 0 and 2).
UGA @ UF- You, Dawnne and I go with UF rather than the favored Dawgs, rest with UGA.
Clemson @ Notre Dame- Mike BJ, Alex, Lawrence and Gene, and Noah and Bob, go with Clemson even with 2nd string QB.
The Pembroke Mafia Football League is a public service provided at no extra charge by the Floyd Foundation for Free-Range Armpits.