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PMFL: The stuff that can’t grow on trees
football

Jeff Whitten, Local columnist.

Welcome to another installment of the Pembroke Mafia Football League, and yep, we members of the board of directors decided to rebrand ourselves back to our original PMFL brandthingy.

It was either that, or dress up as Spongebob Squarepantses and go out in the front yard and wrestle.

Anyhow, the truth mostly is the more things change, the more they stay the same except for the different stuff – like the expanding rash of Michigan Wolverine flags flying in front of vinyl-sided houses in my mother’s neighborhood down in McIntosh County. Those people sound like they got gravel in their nose.

What hasn’t changed is the continued assault by the usual suspects on trees and groundwater and rivers, all in the name of economic growth. But as the Cree Indians put it, in this version anyhow, “Only when the last tree has died, and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realize we cannot eat money.”

I bring this up after reading estimates that more than 40 percent of the world’s tree species are in danger of extinction because of climate change and deforestation and urban development. And not long ago I read where thousands of species of animals are endangered – creatures put on this planet by processes greater than any single one of us, but rapidly being destroyed by us. Depressing stuff.

We should do better – I include me in that -- but we won’t.

Still, as a friend likes to say, no matter where you go there you are, and here we are, already in week 10 of the college football season, a time when the dogs go hoarse barking but the caravan moves on.

And in that regard a few thoughts on the season overall. Georgia Southern, my eventual alma mater, is about where some of us figured it would be. Which isn’t where it once was. Some of you may remember when the Eagles were a I-AA powerhouse and ran the triple option. But it’s been two decades and some change since Georgia Southern won its sixth and final I-AA title (they changed I-AA to FCS but I prefer the former), and while the school has moved on to bigger pastures, they’re not necessarily better ones. I don’t know what it will take to get the once-proud football program back to even a semblance of its former glory, but I’d suggest starting with bringing back the triple option and coaches who know how to coach it.

Some of us grumble about money ruining college football, and I think they’re right – but you can’t blame players. Blame presidents and coaches and athletic directors and the NCAA for allowing money to flow to the top and to them for decades, and holding student-athletes to amateur status while a whole lot of other people were making a killing based on how those amateurs did.

Is that a sentence? Probably not, but this is the PMFL, not a high school composition class. Middle schoolers could clean my clock when it comes to grammar or coherent sentences.

Still, for too long money has been touching too few people in college football – and elsewhere. You can no more take money out of college football than you can take it out of politics. And the rich get richer in both instances.

Besides, try buying a bacon cheeseburger and a six pack of beer without $20 and see how far you get.

Standings:

Here’s where I had to edit this and resubmit, because in the spirit of Halloween I got carried away and gave everyone weird names, like “Big Nerd.” It got stupid, or more stupid than usual anyway. I didn’t like that.

Here’s a cleaned up version. I named everybody after Roman emperors. Guess who’s what.

District 1 Commissioner Vespasius Covington, ancient mariner sportswriter Olybrius Brown and County Administrator Galba Shrimp Muscle Taylor are tied for first with 21 misses apiece.

Retired Navy bigshot Theodosius Spinner Bait Clark, Romulus Augustus Elvis Clark and award winning left handed journalist Gallienus Barbara Walters O’Neil are tied for second with 22 misses.

The Rev. Valentinian Mr. Rogers Butler and retired Fire Chief Quintillus the Flying Wallenda Orville Howell are in third with 23 misses a pop.

District 5 commissioner Dr. Gratian Amigo Pipecleaner Wallace, DMD, is in fourth with 25 misses. District 1 commissioner-elect Constantine Big Nerd Floyd is in fifth with 29 misses and Julius Caesar Hot Air Whitten is in sixth with 30 misses. In last with 32 misses is County Commission Chairman Publius Helvius Pertinax Petunia Infinger, or old Publius Helvius, as we like to call him.

This week’s games, abbreviated to save on hot air. Plus I lost my notes again.

• Ohio State at Penn State: Most pick the blasted Buckeyes, but as BJ often says, this is one of those “two mules fighting over the same turnip” contests.

That’s code for yankee teams playing each other.

• Indiana at Michigan State: Most take the Hoosiers, who are having a season for the ages so far.

• Texas A& M at South Carolina:

The Gamecocks will win but we’re split on this one. And I’m well aware of the Chicken Curse.

• Army at Air Force: Unbeaten Army, coached by former Georgia Southern coach Jeff Monken, will crush Air Force like a grape.

• Georgia Southern at South Bammer: There was a time when this one would’ve been a no-brainer pick. Now nobody knows which GS team might show up.

• Pitt at SMU: Everytime one thinks of Pittsburgh one thinks of Mean Joe Greene. Or should. Wait, wrong Pittsburgh.

• Vandy at Auburn: Poor Auburn, saddled with yet another under achieving, over paid coach.

• UCLA at Nebraska: I saw shrimp potato chips at a supermarket yesterday. What we need is more Crisco. And grits.

• UMASS at Mississippi State:

Man do I miss Mike Leach.

• Albany State at Savannah State:

Few take the home team.

Hope you have a great weekend and don’t take any wooden nickels. Wait, do they even make nickels anymore? Does anybody ever say “it’s only a nickel’ these days? Can you even buy anything for a nickel now? What would be the sales tax if you could?

Now retired, Jeff Whitten is a former managing editor of the Bryan County News.

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