By allowing ads to appear on this site, you support the local businesses who, in turn, support great journalism.
The interim PMFL column
football

Alex Floyd, Contributor

I regret to inform the reader that the usual reporter- hack that headlines this column was caught up in an ICE raid and is currently in custody. It turns out, as we’ve all suspected, Jeff Whitten is a foreign agent from the island nation of Lilliput sent here to undermine the journalistic integrity of this fine paper and subvert the already shaky credibility of the Pembroke Mafia Football League. 

As a body, we have scraped together $4.37 and a Dairy Queen coupon and decided to reach out to the authorities to secure his release to which they’ve replied, “Yes oh dear Lord please come get him, he won’t stop singing ‘Fighting Gamecocks Lead the Way’ and the holding facility is starting to smell like Vienna sausages and red-rind cheese.” Until I can break away from my all-consuming fast-paced career as a third-rate politician to go pick him up before they pack him in a coffee can and send him back to his people, I’ll be taking his seat here in the Bryan County News PMFL.

If you’re not familiar with the PMFL, we’re a group dedicated to the betterment of society, bound by a love of college football and for unclear reasons have allowed Editor Whitten to say terrible things about us for many years. Our fearless leader the Unsinkable BJ Clark selects games, and we take our best guess at the winners. This week’s games and selections are: • Clemson @ GA Tech: Dr Gene, Ted and I pick Klumpson others pick the team that got beat by Rudy in 1975 and plays on Hyundai field.

• UGA @ U of Tenn: Mike Brown and our editor-in-exile Jeff pick the hound dogs, rest of us red-blooded Georgians pick the Bulldogs.

• UF @ LSU: Jeff must’ve been interrogated and brainwashed by his captors and picks the Gators.

As the great Coach O used to say “Arghsumclumpashon-gahussuh Geaux Tiguhs”.

• APP St @ Southern Miss: Both Mike’s, Noah, our lone moral compass Rev. Lawrence, and Chief Emeritus Freddy select Southern Miss. Rest of us held our nose and picked the mountain-cousin- kissers.

• Jacksonville St @ THE GA SOUTHERN UNIVERSITY: Mike B. and Jeff select Jax St.

Rest of us ‘Do Right’ by ‘OUR HOUSE’.

• Tex A@M vs Notre Dame: Mike C, Jeff and I roll with the Texas massive bonfire crew. Rest believe in Rudy. Sidenote: the closest my dear brother ever considered an out of state college was when he discovered that Texas A@M has a catfishing team (the real fish not the fake dating profiles). This love of the Aggies carried over to a night in the Jekyll Island Wee-pub when they took LSU into a record 9 overtimes.

The place was packed with Tigers and he told em all to “Set down! We got Cows bah gawd and HOT STEEL AGGIES!” I managed to escape with minor injuries while he whooped half of Glynn County.

• East Carolina @ Coastal Carolina: Mike B, Jeff, Noah and Ben select East Carolina.

Rest of us struggled to spell Chanticleers.

• Air Force @ UT State: Me, Jeff, Ben, Dr Gene and Ted select UT St. Rest go with Air Force. I can’t wait until the Space Force moves to Huntsville and gets an Alabama football team.

• Minnesota @ CAL: Rev Lawrence, Noah, Ben and Freddy select CAL. Rest of us go with Minnesota, eh?

• Navy @ Tulane: All of us rally behind the Swab Jockey’s. (Commodore Clark sent me that. I had to look it up.) None ride the Green Wave.

Thank you all for playing.

Have a great week.

Floyd is a card-carrying member of the PMFL, but better known to the public as a commissioner on the Bryan County Board of Comissioners, representing District 1.