Back by popular demand, it’s “Hey, Dear Ed,” your one stop shop for letters to Dear Old Ed.
Hey, Dear Ed: What do you think of this Brandon fellow, whoever he is? Seems a whole lot of folks around here are rooting for him. I was stuck in traffic the other day and saw one guy had a window decal on his pickup with giant letters all over it that said, “LET’S GO BRANDON.” I don’t know how he saw out his rear view mirror, to be honest. That decal was about four-foot wide and half a foot tall, so I guess he really liked Brandon. Anyhow, I figured I’d be friendly, so first chance I got I got up alongside him and yelled out, “Yeah, Go Brandon Go,” and he looked at me like I was crazy.
His eyes were kind of close together like maybe his haircut was too tight in the middle, and he didn’t look like he was having too good of a day to start with so I backed off in case he was armed. You never know these days. But that got me to thinking, with so many people showing their support for Brandon, maybe he should get out there and run for president. It might make a lot of these people really happy when he won and they’d stop looking like somebody stole their ice cream. Signed: Orlan Spud, Greater Ludowici.
Hey Orlan, thanks for writing. Yeah, I’m not sure what all that Let’s Go Brandon stuff is about but I think it’s supposed to be sharp political commentary of the highest order or something. Which is probably why I don’t get it. Also, you were right to back off. Two things I’ve learned of late: 1. Lots of people are packing because, well, lots of people are packing.
2. Everybody’s got an opinion and not only want you to know it, they want you to know they know you know it and you’d better respect it or else, you know? Weird.
Hey, Dear Ed: What’s your advice for fireworks safety this Independence Day weekend?
Signed: Radison Chesney Buckeye-Biscuits, President, Greater Leftside Middle Buckhead Homeowners Association and Investment Brokerage Hey Radison, thanks for asking. My advice boils down to this: do not ever throw lit bottle rockets. I did that in Richmond Hill back in the mid 1980s – before there was even a passle of Buckheads, by the way – and the bottle rocket made a mid-air U-turn and blew off a big chunk of my lip. I saw it coming and couldn’t do anything but just stand there transfixed.
Anyhow, for days I had a giant gnarly raisin- looking thing right under my nose and when it finally fell off I was left with a scar – ruining the lip part of a face only a mother could love. Not that I cared. I was in the Army then and didn’t know any better.
And yes, beer was involved.
PS. And, OK, for all I know Greater Leftside Middle Buckhead has been here since the Guale Indians first decided back in 1500 or whenever this was the perfect spot for a 272-acre single-family residential neighborhood consisting of various subdivisions and happily deeded it over to the appropriate developers and bankers.
Hey, Dear Ed: What in the world were you doing late Tuesday night under that pickup? I thought you’d gotten yourself run over, or run over yourself. Signed: Guy driving by at midnight.
Hey Guy, thanks for asking. I had a flat tire, looks like I picked up a nail somewhere.
So, after wrastling with the spare in the dark for the better part of 40 minutes in 90 degree heat and humidity I got it on and had to go air it up, and the first air machine was broke and on the way to the second one I learned the rim on the spare was rubbing on the brake, so I slowly drove back to the office hoping I didn’t break my brakes, and after trying to find somebody in the middle of the night to come plug a tire, figured it would probably cost me 10 times as much as it would in the morning. So, I went back to work until whatever time it is now on Wednesday. I also lost my pickup key and spent hours looking for it, and during that process made my wife mad by accidentally snarling at her over the phone. Some days are just fun. Go Gamecocks.
Update: Found the key. Also, I smell like a sack of used corn chips. Update No. 2: Mark Bolton showed up Wednesday morning in response to an email looking for a ride to a service station to get the tire plugged. I’ll be mobile again today, looks like. Thanks Mark. It just goes to show that in life it’s not always about what you know, sometimes it’s who you know. Happy July 4.