Who would have ever thought that an ill-conceived plan to break into the Watergate hotel during the 1972 Democratic convention would lead to a suffix explosion of named scandals and dirty deeds?
The list is never-ending. We have Benghazigate, Billygate, Bladegate, Bottlegate, Bountygate, Bridgegate, Chinagate, Climategate, Contragate … need I go through the entire alphabet of names? I think you get the picture.
So what is the latest and greatest “-gate?” Deflategate, of course.
I don’t want to get too deep into all the rhetoric revolving around this incident, which happened Jan. 18 in the AFC Championship game between Indianapolis and New England. Let’s just say I’m amazed at the amount of energy and time that is being spent on the notion that a football that is slightly less-than-full of air can make a difference in a ballgame where the score was 45-7 New England.
Yes, the Patriots won and will play in the Super Bowl. But take into consideration that the score at halftime was 17-7, and the second half was played entirely with back-up footballs that all were inflated to the correct range of pressure as prescribed by the NFL. You do the math.
When I was a kid, the neighborhood boys and I played football every chance we got. We even let some of the girls play once in a while. Who knew back then we were equal opportunists? Anyway, sometimes the ball we played with was almost flat, and no one could find a needle or pump to inflate the darn thing. But that never stopped us from playing.
Ah, the good old days! No scandals or “-gates” — just plain fun.
Recently, however, I have come across some issues at home that I believe need more thorough investigating. I don’t want to suggest any unethical behavior, corruption or cover-up, but something definitely is awry.
I have coined a few “-gates” of my own that need little or no explaining. They are as follows:
• Sleepgate — Where are all my sleeping hours going?
• Tailgate — I think this is related to Sleepgate because my tail always is dragging.
• Treegate — I believe our cats had something to do with our Christmas tree falling down three times, but I have no video proof.
• Molegate — Someone please let me know the answer to getting rid of those ugly creatures. My yard has more tunnels than the Mexican drug cartels.
• Laundrygate — I think this exists in everyone’s home.
• Sockgate — Related to Laundrygate.
• Litterboxgate — I can’t even begin to describe this one.
• Collegegate — This one reminds me of the presidential slogan, “Four more years!”
• Dishgate — How can three people make so many dirty dishes?
OK, back to Deflategate. I get the whole thing about cheating on purpose and gaining an unfair advantage. That’s what people are most upset about. And that’s why we have consequences for folks that try to manipulate the system.
So my advice to the NFL is to throw the flag if you think someone did something wrong. Fine the Patriots a million dollars (they can afford it) and take that money and buy a football, needle and pump for every kid in America who loves this game as much as I do.
Have a super Sunday, everyone.
Call DeLong at 912-531-7867 or go to thesuitesatstationexchange.com.