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Humor: GOP plan spurs funeral home investments
God bless America and how is everybody
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. - photo by File photo

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Barack Obama might have to testify in the U.S. Senate after reports he was warned last August of attempts by Russia to meddle in the U.S. election and did nothing. His attorney general Loretta Lynch may be called. When Democrats set out to get the president, they should’ve been more specific.

John McEnroe said Serena Williams was the greatest female tennis player in history, then was challenged over why he said female. He said if she was a man, she’d be ranked number 700. The question now is, who creates more Republicans, the Powerball Lottery or the PC Police?

AMC channel announced that its hit zombie drama The Walking Dead will be back for season eight and premiere in the month of October. The terrifying setting takes place in post-Apocalypse Los Angeles. Zombies do two things which people in Los Angeles would never do, walk and eat meat.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell delayed the Senate vote on the GOP health care bill, leaving the country with Obamacare until it runs out of money in September.

The markets reacted predictably. Warren Buffett just sold all his health care stocks and invested heavily in funeral homes.

The CBO cited the GOP health care plan saying 22 million Americans will lose health care because they weren’t forced to buy it. The CBO and the Rules of Golf are the only ones who can legally say no to Republicans. A politburo is unconstitutional so Democrats created the CBO.

Senate Democrats took to the well to cling ferociously to Obamacare Tuesday. Its unintended high premiums and high deductibles cost them the House, Senate and White House. Obamacare was apparently created by the same computer model that gave junk bonds a AAA rating 10 years ago.

GOP Congressman Jason Chaffetz wants to give House members and U.S. senators $2,500 a month to cover housing expenses in Washington, D.C. It wouldn’t affect their automatic pay raises. That’s already covered in the budget under the Americans with No Abilities Act.

The White House warned Syria it suspected them of preparing a chemical attack on Syrian rebels and vowed drastic action to prevent it. The aircraft carrier George H.W. Bush is just off the Syrian coast. Now North Korea may start a war because they only rated the aircraft carrier Nimitz.

Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi resisted calls by House Democrats to step down because of her advancing age and her lack of connection to young voters. She looks pale. You know you’re getting old when you can’t sunbathe for more than 10 minutes because vultures keep blocking out the sun.

Nancy Pelosi told reporters about her first meeting with President Trump at an Oval Office brunch.

She revealed he served pigs in a blanket and kosher meatballs. You can tell the president is serious about the travel ban when both items on his lunch menu are in direct confrontation with Islam.

CNN disclosed Thursday that three CNN investigative journalists have resigned in the wake of a story CNN had to retract claiming Russian financial ties to Trump officials. They’re obsessed with getting Trump. CNN’s mission statement is to show that not all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time."

Johnny Depp’s joke about assassinating President Trump was the eleventh time a Hollywood star has done that this year. It’s mindless. Can you imagine the standing ovation Trump will get in Hollywood the night his name is mentioned in the In Memoriam segment at the Academy Awards?

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