In a world where pornography gets more online traffic than Netflix, Amazon and Twitter combined, the barriers of access between porn and children have dissolved.
Sex educator and author Cindy Pierce writes in her new book, "Sexploitation: Helping Kids Develop Healthy Sexuality in a Porn-Driven World," that while past generations of children and teens certainly saw pornography, access to erotic material usually involved a lot more effort than an Internet search.
That accessibility comes with a cost for today's children, Pierce says.
"These days, kids are immersed in porn culture in many forms, with an onslaught of messaging reaching them through online porn, gaming, marketing, media and music videos," Pierce wrote.
We spoke with Pierce about porn's impact on children's sexuality and what needs to change.
In your book you cite studies that estimate that most boys start watching pornography around age 11. Given the availability of porn now, how does that impact a boy's expectations of a healthy relationship?
The time spent looking at porn is reinforcing all these ideas in the child's head before he gets to an actual partner. So he's got all these ideas about how bodies are supposed to look and how they respond to sexual activity based on pornography rather than reality. It could be anything from body image to how women should be treated. A lot of porn has a lot of violence and rough treatment of women, and these are the messages that theyre consuming over and over, so they cant help it.
They first blame their partner for not being quite right and then they wonder about themselves, if there's something wrong with them. I hear all the time, 'Ive read "50 Shades of Grey" and I know what women like.' Thats terrifying to me. Now that everyone has access to porn on the phone and laptop, theyre emulating what they see in porn. And when they dont get the results they've come to expect, that's when it starts to really eat away at someone. No ones giving them any perspective.
You posit that porn isnt the only problem children get messages from sexualized images in advertising, gaming and other entertainment media. How does that differ from the messages they get from porn?
(The messages conveyed in mainstream media) sort of add another layer to the whole desensitization cycle. It's easy to gloss over and you cannot notice it so much as in porn. But if you look at fashion magazine ads, for example, when you see them all together, it's almost violent. You see these stylized photos of women on their knees, wearing leashes, somehow in a submissive position. It's gone beyond objectification now. So think about it: If your son is playing "Grand Theft Auto," and he's looking at porn and he's internalizing all these ads and uncensored YouTube and music videos, he's marinating in this idea that women like violence that they like to be raped and roughed up and then they think that's what sex is like, that's what I've got to do. And most parents do not address that.
In your opinion, is there a relationship between porn and what becomes acceptable in other forms of media from TV to ads to movies and music?
Absolutely. You know, we used to say sex sells, but now it's sexual violence that sells. Once we become used to one thing or desensitized to it, it ratchets up. So when everyone is used to the message porn brings that sex is violent and devoid of emotion it becomes familiar and it creeps into everything and that becomes the new standard. That's why we see some young girls who think it's cool to be a porn star that's changed dramatically. Really, that's the twisted bit of all this, is that it gives boys and girls this false sense of empowerment that ultimately isn't fulfilling and when they don't feel fulfilled, they think there must be something wrong with them.
Your book mentions the frequent use of alcohol in hook-up culture among college students. How much of alcohol use do you think is related to trying to live up to hypersexualized expectations they think their partners want?
It's absolutely related. Its gone over the top. The pressure and the expectations of what they 'should' be doing is huge, and by getting drunk, they feel less guilty about doing things that are less comfortable for them. They think, 'If I want to do this, I have to do things that my inner compass doesnt say is right for me.' To do that, they disconnect with alcohol.
You talk a lot in your book about how kids used to have to make a major effort to access porn, which isn't the case now. Does the ease of accessibility push the envelope for porn to become more extreme?
Yes, it's all driven by the porn industry. For porn producers, they know it's job security to create the wildest video possible. Magazines like Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler that's mild. That's like a Hallmark card compared to whats out there now. What (kids) don't realize is that real life is a different game. Most boys have an understanding that porn is part of their private life, so they cant share it with anyone so they just live with this burden. And when no one is having a conversation about porn with them and what isn't truthful about it, they're becoming more vulnerable to the messages porn sends.
In the book you mention that a lot of kids turn to porn for information and youths actually know less about sex than previous generations. But how can that be true when kids know more about sex than ever, given sex ed?
Sex education varies so much that it's hard to say what kids are being told. I live in a very liberal community and it's very clinical they don't even call it sex ed, they call it puberty education. So kids have been exposed to more information, but they're not getting good, quality information about things like consent or safety. Meanwhile, porn might be the first thing that comes up in an Internet search. Were a hypersexualized culture, so it might seem like they know more, but really they dont.
Whats the solution? In your book, you mention that parents need to start talking to their children about sex and relationships as early as the first grade. That seems pretty young.
It does, but not when you consider how much sooner children can become exposed to these ideas. If you don't tackle it at home, there's the playground, there's the Internet and the misinformation takes root. The people who think they can stop their children from being exposed are naive. Every parent wants their child to be comfortable in their own body and to enjoy a happy, healthy relationship. But what they don't understand is that in order to have that, they need to be talking to kids about their bodies as young as age 3, to make them understand and accept themselves the way they are. You've got to be ahead of the Internet and their peers. If you wait, it's water over the dam and it's no longer a sensitive topic by the time they're 9 or 10.
When you talk with your children about what's sexually acceptable and what's not, what's realistic and what's not, you're not only paving the way for them to have conversations, you're paving the way for yourself to be a help to them. It's a whole lot harder to have that conversation when they're older. It doesn't mean they won't at least try to look at porn, but if you're one more voice in their head rather than just their friends or the Internet, it will give them context that can help them land on their feet in adulthood.
Sex educator and author Cindy Pierce writes in her new book, "Sexploitation: Helping Kids Develop Healthy Sexuality in a Porn-Driven World," that while past generations of children and teens certainly saw pornography, access to erotic material usually involved a lot more effort than an Internet search.
That accessibility comes with a cost for today's children, Pierce says.
"These days, kids are immersed in porn culture in many forms, with an onslaught of messaging reaching them through online porn, gaming, marketing, media and music videos," Pierce wrote.
We spoke with Pierce about porn's impact on children's sexuality and what needs to change.
In your book you cite studies that estimate that most boys start watching pornography around age 11. Given the availability of porn now, how does that impact a boy's expectations of a healthy relationship?
The time spent looking at porn is reinforcing all these ideas in the child's head before he gets to an actual partner. So he's got all these ideas about how bodies are supposed to look and how they respond to sexual activity based on pornography rather than reality. It could be anything from body image to how women should be treated. A lot of porn has a lot of violence and rough treatment of women, and these are the messages that theyre consuming over and over, so they cant help it.
They first blame their partner for not being quite right and then they wonder about themselves, if there's something wrong with them. I hear all the time, 'Ive read "50 Shades of Grey" and I know what women like.' Thats terrifying to me. Now that everyone has access to porn on the phone and laptop, theyre emulating what they see in porn. And when they dont get the results they've come to expect, that's when it starts to really eat away at someone. No ones giving them any perspective.
You posit that porn isnt the only problem children get messages from sexualized images in advertising, gaming and other entertainment media. How does that differ from the messages they get from porn?
(The messages conveyed in mainstream media) sort of add another layer to the whole desensitization cycle. It's easy to gloss over and you cannot notice it so much as in porn. But if you look at fashion magazine ads, for example, when you see them all together, it's almost violent. You see these stylized photos of women on their knees, wearing leashes, somehow in a submissive position. It's gone beyond objectification now. So think about it: If your son is playing "Grand Theft Auto," and he's looking at porn and he's internalizing all these ads and uncensored YouTube and music videos, he's marinating in this idea that women like violence that they like to be raped and roughed up and then they think that's what sex is like, that's what I've got to do. And most parents do not address that.
In your opinion, is there a relationship between porn and what becomes acceptable in other forms of media from TV to ads to movies and music?
Absolutely. You know, we used to say sex sells, but now it's sexual violence that sells. Once we become used to one thing or desensitized to it, it ratchets up. So when everyone is used to the message porn brings that sex is violent and devoid of emotion it becomes familiar and it creeps into everything and that becomes the new standard. That's why we see some young girls who think it's cool to be a porn star that's changed dramatically. Really, that's the twisted bit of all this, is that it gives boys and girls this false sense of empowerment that ultimately isn't fulfilling and when they don't feel fulfilled, they think there must be something wrong with them.
Your book mentions the frequent use of alcohol in hook-up culture among college students. How much of alcohol use do you think is related to trying to live up to hypersexualized expectations they think their partners want?
It's absolutely related. Its gone over the top. The pressure and the expectations of what they 'should' be doing is huge, and by getting drunk, they feel less guilty about doing things that are less comfortable for them. They think, 'If I want to do this, I have to do things that my inner compass doesnt say is right for me.' To do that, they disconnect with alcohol.
You talk a lot in your book about how kids used to have to make a major effort to access porn, which isn't the case now. Does the ease of accessibility push the envelope for porn to become more extreme?
Yes, it's all driven by the porn industry. For porn producers, they know it's job security to create the wildest video possible. Magazines like Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler that's mild. That's like a Hallmark card compared to whats out there now. What (kids) don't realize is that real life is a different game. Most boys have an understanding that porn is part of their private life, so they cant share it with anyone so they just live with this burden. And when no one is having a conversation about porn with them and what isn't truthful about it, they're becoming more vulnerable to the messages porn sends.
In the book you mention that a lot of kids turn to porn for information and youths actually know less about sex than previous generations. But how can that be true when kids know more about sex than ever, given sex ed?
Sex education varies so much that it's hard to say what kids are being told. I live in a very liberal community and it's very clinical they don't even call it sex ed, they call it puberty education. So kids have been exposed to more information, but they're not getting good, quality information about things like consent or safety. Meanwhile, porn might be the first thing that comes up in an Internet search. Were a hypersexualized culture, so it might seem like they know more, but really they dont.
Whats the solution? In your book, you mention that parents need to start talking to their children about sex and relationships as early as the first grade. That seems pretty young.
It does, but not when you consider how much sooner children can become exposed to these ideas. If you don't tackle it at home, there's the playground, there's the Internet and the misinformation takes root. The people who think they can stop their children from being exposed are naive. Every parent wants their child to be comfortable in their own body and to enjoy a happy, healthy relationship. But what they don't understand is that in order to have that, they need to be talking to kids about their bodies as young as age 3, to make them understand and accept themselves the way they are. You've got to be ahead of the Internet and their peers. If you wait, it's water over the dam and it's no longer a sensitive topic by the time they're 9 or 10.
When you talk with your children about what's sexually acceptable and what's not, what's realistic and what's not, you're not only paving the way for them to have conversations, you're paving the way for yourself to be a help to them. It's a whole lot harder to have that conversation when they're older. It doesn't mean they won't at least try to look at porn, but if you're one more voice in their head rather than just their friends or the Internet, it will give them context that can help them land on their feet in adulthood.