NIGHTMARE LAND — Many of you know that I am not a big fan of bears. I know you think they're adorable, but I promise you won't think they're so cuddly and cute when they dismember you for kicks and then use your bones as toothpicks to get your Abercrombie shirt out of their teeth.
Sorry to get graphic, I'm just very passionate about this subject and the fact that we need to prepare for the Bearpocalypse. Bears hope to be our four-legged overlords and considering their brute strength, speed, all-terrain bodies and growing intelligence, it's going to be tough to stop Bearmageddon.
I had hope that we humans were still in control of our own destiny, but then I found this video that is straight out of a nightmare and now I fear for our kind.
This video is a year old and was taken in Alaska, the scariest place on earth due to the bear to human ratio. They call this bear 747 because he's the size of a passenger jet and if he decides to crash with you aboard there will be no survivors.
I know you're thinking 747 is a big cuddly mammal and when he scratches his back on that tree your eyes get all starry and your mouth starts making that, "ahhh" shape. Resist it. Fight it. Survive. 747 is using the tree to limber up to make sure he is poised and ready to take you down if you get a little too close.
Apparently, it's possible to take a bear tour to see 747 and others like him, and you can if that's your prerogative. People like to do stuff like that. Some people also like to hunt ghosts and perform seances because who doesn't want to live in an actual nightmare?
Please stay away from 747 and prepare yourself for the Bearpocalypse.