HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
James Comey’s Senate testimony today about Russian election interference will draw running Twitter commentary from millions of TV viewers including the president. And there is no censor or filter. If the newspaper is the evolution of the town crier, Twitter is the evolution of the town drunk.
Jim Comey today has the chance to testify against President Trump, who fired him. Trump so far has fired the FBI director, acting attorney heneral, national security advisor, 46 U.S. attorneys and a White House usher. Look, we either elected the host of The Apprentice, or we didn’t.
Investors Daily laid out a retirement plan for young adults that requires disciplined saving and blue-chip investments that’d leave them wealthy at age 65. You also learn to cut corners here and there. Last year I saved 15 percent on car insurance by leaving the scene of the accident.
Bill Cosby’s legal battles include defamation of character lawsuits he filed against seven of his 51 accusers a year and a half ago. He wants the world to know that 14 percent of his female accusers are lying. Using climate change math, that would mean that all of them are lying.
The London Bridge attack was followed by a lone wolf attack in Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral Tuesday. Terrorists used to fly airliners into the tallest buildings in the world, now they’re down to used vans and hammers. The damned Republicans have obviously cut the terrorism budget as well as everything else they can get their votes on.
French police shot and killed a terrorist wielding a hammer and shouting out for revenge for Syria Tuesday as he tried to enter the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. The terrorist was shot dead on the front steps of the cathedral. Police said they don’t know who the man is, but they have a hunch.
White House press secretary Sean Spicer was derided by reporters Tuesday because he’d been insisting Trump’s travel ban wasn’t a travel ban. Trump tweeted it’s a travel ban. Reporters are obsessive about any travel ban issued by a Republican until Obama is back in the country from Tahiti.
ABC News said Attorney General Jeff Sessions offered to resign in a meeting with Trump. He had a very long spring. It’s hard for the attorney general to preach national unity when New Orleans just took down four statues of Confederate heroes and Sessions was named after two of them.
Capitol Hill Republicans are reportedly plotting how to curtail the NSA’s domestic surveillance powers to stop partisan NSA workers from leaking overheard dirt to the press. That’s not all. In addition, Germany wants to sue the NSA for using Gestapo tactics without paying them any royalties.
The FBI arrested a private company contractor for leaking NSA top-secret information to the press about Russia’s attempt to hack into the U.S. election last fall. The contractor is a 25-year-old woman named Reality Winner. If she gets arrested again, she’ll be Two-Time Loser Winner.
The Hollywood Reporter reported 91-year-old Jerry Lewis was in a Las Vegas hospital for a urinary tract infection. We comedians can’t wait to see his material on this one. Jerry would be the first to say that a Viagra pill costs $1,000 — $40 for the pill, $960 for the UTI.
Southern California beach lifeguards this spring reported seeing an unusual number of great white sharks in the ocean just off beaches due to the La Nina condition father out. It didn’t hurt beach attendance. There are much scarier things you can see in the ocean besides a shark’s fin, for instance, a shark’s tonsils.
E-mail Hamilton at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.