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Trump, Clinton and a Texas standoff
God bless America and how is everybody
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. - photo by File photo

HOLLYWOOD — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists blamed President Trump’s nuclear brinksmanship Tuesday for moving the Doomsday Clock up 30 seconds until it’s now two minutes to midnight. Young people today are such lightweights. It was 1:30 a.m. back when Reagan was president.

Scandalous is a seven-part documentary series airing on Fox News that details Bill Clinton’s rollicking sex scandals when he was Arkansas governor and U.S. president. On top of all that, Newsweek reports the former president is now writing a crime novel. It’s called "My Life with Hillary."

President Trump delivered his first State of the Union speech to Congress Tuesday. The polls were unanimous. Half the country loved the speech, half the country hated the speech, but everybody agreed we should fire Congress and hire the heroes Trump introduced to run this country.

President Trump prompted a standing ovation in his State of the Union when he introduced Secretary of Defense James Mattis and praised the military for wiping out ISIS. General Mattis has a bear rug on the floor of his office in the Pentagon. The bear isn’t dead, it’s just afraid to move.

CBS News conducted a flash poll after the State of the Union finding 75 percent of Americans liked Trump’s speech. Rob Reiner heard of the poll while on MSNBC and he called him racist, sexist and misogynist. Rob got 12 years of paychecks when Archie Bunker acted that way.

President Trump’s State of the Union was described as conservative by pundits afterwards. If you took a drink every time the Congressional Black Caucus stood up and applauded something Trump said in the speech, congratulations. You went to bed with one night of sobriety under your belt.

Massachusetts Congressman Joseph Kennedy III gave the Democratic response to the State of the Union speech to a college crowd in Fall River, MA, Tuesday. The grandson of Bobby Kennedy delivered a spirited speech in which he declared that there are two Americas. One of them is Mexico.

Kennedy delivered a stem-winder of a speech in response to the State of the Union. He excoriated Republicans over low taxes, exclusionary policies, and their old-boy network. It’s always enjoyable to hear a lecture by a Kennedy against wealth, privilege and nepotism.

The Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum sold naming rights to United Airlines and will be United Airlines Stadium. Games that are scheduled at 2 in the afternoon will start at 9 that night. In case a game is oversold the ushers will drag any Asians from their seats back out to the parking lot.

The Cleveland Indians will retire their grinning Indian mascot Chief Wahoo and remove him from their uniforms in the 2019 season. It’s a typical treaty. The baseball commissioner said the logo is insulting to Native Americans and in 400 days we’re going to take it off the uniforms.

Texas A&M joined the University of Texas Monday in reporting revenues of over $200 million from football. It’s a religion out there. The difference between a Supreme Court decision and a college football game in Texas is that Texans accept the scoreboard’s verdict as final.

The White House issued an order keeping Guantanamo Bay Prison open for captured terrorist suspects. Interrogators say they can get a lot more out of a Muslim extremist with a Big Mac, fries and milkshake than they can by water-boarding. No terrorist can resist the American way of life.

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