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Humor: Japan still surprising Hawaii
God bless America and how is everybody
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. - photo by File photo

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Oklahoma Sooners star Baker Mayfield is favored to win the Heisman Trophy Saturday at the Downtown Athletic Club in New York City. Your college team remains a part of you for your entire life. Back when I went to school, OU ran the triple-option, which absolutely ruined me for monogamy.

Pearl Harbor will hold a flyover ceremony and dinner to mark the 76th anniversary of the attack on the Hawaii naval base. Last year, the surviving Japanese pilots who attacked Pearl Harbor showed up in Hawaii to attend the ceremonies and the dinner. It was a big surprise, as always.

"Let Trump Be Trump" is a new book by campaign advisors who say that Trump’s four basic food groups are KFC, McDonald’s, Pizza and Diet Coke. This is a diet which would kill most Americans by the age of 60. Cardiologists can only say that Trump is trying to save Social Security by example.

Scotland Yard foiled an ISIS plot to assassinate Prime Minister Theresa May at 10 Downing Street on Tuesday morning. It was very difficult for Americans to receive any details about the breaking story. That’s because all our morning news anchors have been fired for sexual misconduct.

Science Digest reported that the very first text went out 25 ago and it read Merry Christmas. It’s what scares parents about social media. Once we added American culture to the mix, it took texting only 25 years to go from Happy Birthday Jesus to jail time for Anthony Weiner.

The Supreme Court upheld President Trump’s right to ban foreigners from America because of security concerns. At the time, Barack Obama was giving speeches in India, ripping Trump and laughing it up and having a good time. That could change when he tries to re-enter the United States.

The International Olympic Committee announced in Geneva Tuesday that due to widespread steroid use by Russian athletes, the IOC has banned Russia from competing in the 2018 Olympics. That’s the bad news. The good news is that Russia will still be able to participate in the 2020 elections.

Congressman John Conyers resigned from Congress at age 88 Tuesday in the wake of all the sex harassment charges by his female House staffers. He can finally start making some money. He’s already booked 200 gigs next year as a male stripper on the nursing home circuit.

President Trump was scheduled to announce Wednesday that the U.S. will recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Three great religions call it their birthplace. To Jews, the most sacred book is the Torah, to Muslims it is the Koran, to Christians it is the Bible, and to Americans it’s the menu.

The NFL agreed to pony up $90 million for social justice programs to try to end the anthem kneeling. The money would help finance sensitivity programs to improve the relationship between police and minority communities. They miss the good old days when it was stop OR I’ll shoot.

The Wall Street Journal reported that a Google super-computer called AUTO ML has created a robot named NAS NET which scientists call the first artificial intelligence child. It’s amazing. Minutes after the announcement, NAS NET started getting inappropriate messages from Roy Moore.

British legendary call girl Christine Keeler died at 75 in London Tuesday. It brought down Britain’s government in 1963 when her simultaneous affairs with Britain’s Defense Minister and a Soviet spy came to light. It scared Jack Kennedy into being a good little president for three long days.

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