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The dangers of dating a Cinderfella
We all want to be like Cinderella rags to riches, find a beautiful spouse. Just watch out for the Cinderfella. He's not like that at all. - photo by Herb Scribner
The story of Cinderella is pretty wholesome. She goes from rags to riches and finds the love of her life, a charming prince, who will never let her go. Its a sweet tale, one parents have told for generations.

But the story of cinderfellas (no, not men who need to be home by midnight) is not as heartwarming.

As The Huffington Posts Michelle Martin explained this week, the Cinderfella is a middle-aged man whos in search of passion, romance and physical intimacy in a short amount of time.

Cinderfellas want passion! They want fireworks! They want to feel alive! They want to be rescued from their loneliness wastelands," Martin wrote. "And they want it all by the second or third date."

And upon first appearance, these men are attractive for middle-aged women, according to Martin.

Many middle-aged single women can relate to a Cinderfella's desires and his talk of deep emotional and physical connection, she wrote. In fact, many middle-aged single women believe they've hit the single man jackpot when they first meet a Cinderfella.

But theres also an invisible danger to the Cinderfella that exists: He wants to speed the relationship up, and doesnt plan to stick around for the long-term, Martin wrote. Cinderfellas, who are often recently divorced, tend to be on a constant search for intimacy and may sometimes even be emotionally unavailable, Martin wrote.

And, despite their disdain for conflict, they love drama, Martin wrote. Thats just one of the ways cinderfellas also tend to show signs of immaturity, and end up being partners who dont inspire happy marriages or relationships, she wrote.

The Cinderfella can seem pretty attractive when youre single theyre all about making the effort, sharing their intense emotions early on, and big romantic gestures, Ellen Scott of Metro wrote. But be warned: Hes also needy, obsessive and always in a hurry when it comes to love. Avoid at all cost.

But, as it turns out, taking your time when dating and through courtship can make the relationship last longer, according to Psychology Todays Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D.

The rush of infatuation leads people to take the next steps in their relationship without looking objectively at the odds of the relationship succeeding, she wrote. Before they know it, theyre making plans to move in together.

In fact, research shows couples who rush into things tend to fall apart quicker, especially when couples elect to cohabitate before marriage. This often leads to divorce or unstable relationships, she wrote.

"The cohabitation effect, as its called, occurs because many people who live together before getting engaged slide into marriage through a process of inertia, Whitbourne wrote.

Cohabitation, which has been on the rise in the last 25 years, has long been known to have a negative impact on marriages, according to research from Bowling Green State University earlier this year. In fact, as I wrote back in April, living together before marriage often means a couple will split up, especially among the low-educated.

Thats why its important to keep things slow in a relationship, and only take steps forward when your partner is ready to do so, Whitbourne wrote.

When the flames of passion die down, its the emotional quality of the relationship that will keep it going for the long haul, Whitbourne wrote. Establishing the emotional bonds between you and your partner will be the key for relationships ability to endure over time."
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