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'Mutant Turtles' have too much cowabunga, too little story
Whats in with Justin
The turtles face some interesting villains. - photo by Studio photo

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows" is yet another summer sequel that ... Wait a minute, let me turn the volume down. There. That’s better.

Just like the original, this movie only serves to be nothing more than a 110-minute toy commercial, but that won’t stop the rabid fans from coming out in droves.

Our four human-esque reptiles are back again doing what they do best: Kicking bad-guy butt and chomping on pizza. I know, how original. It’s been a year since the Shredder (Brian Tee) escaped, and it is up to Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo to team up and bring him down. Again, how original.

Only this time, the Shredder’s got some help in the form of two escaped convicts: Bebop (Gary Anthony Williams) and Rocksteady (WWE superstar Sheamus). The Shredder makes them drink a vial of something, and they transform into a rhino and a pig. How this figures into the Shredder’s actual plot is anyone’s guess.

Megan Fox returns as April O’Neil, and she uses her best assets of both her inability to act and her ability to look real good in a skimpy outfit. I think she’s trying to follow the Shredder. It’s not like her character really matters here. Tyler Perry co-stars as a scientist whose knowledge and expertise the Shredder needs.

I know I’m heavily criticizing this film, and it does deserve it. But considering Michael Bay is the producer, the movie is a lot more tolerable and not nearly as ridiculous and pointless as the "Transformers" sequels were. Still, there’s no excuse for this idiotic mess.

What’s the point of special-effects progress if all you’re going to show are some of the ugliest creatures in recent movie history? Not only do the Turtles still look hideous and unconvincing, but another villain emerges at the beginning and is the definition of stomach-churning.

This is a mostly humorless, noisy, busy clunker and, unless you’re a rabid fan, this is the first bummer of the summer, dude. Cue the loud noise again.

Grade: C-

Rated PG-13 for sci-fi action violence.

Hall is a syndicated columnist in South Georgia.

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