THE SEA — As I age and watch my hairline recede with each passing year, I am grateful for men who prove to the world that they can be bald and cool at the same time.
No man has done more for helping the bald man's plight in Hollywood than Jason Statham, save for The Rock, Bruce Willis and to a much lesser extent Danny Devito. We get a new movie this week starring Statham acting really cool and dishing out bald-headed aquatic justice in "The Meg."
For a two word summary of the plot for “The Meg” think “Jurassic Shark” and you will get the idea. I won’t get into what made this film good or bad in this article, that honor is left to John Clyde in his review of "The Meg."
However, since “The Meg” is rated PG-13, I do get to tell you what to expect as a parent with kids who may be excited to see this film.
Blood and gore
My observation of this film is that the shark is like a curious 1-year-old human child: There is literally nothing it won’t try to eat.
The difference is this shark is 200 million years old, 70 feet long and has a lot of teeth so it can actually eat whatever it wants. In this case, we see people and other animals being eaten by the giant prehistoric shark, which has no limits to its appetite.
There are limbs severed, other animals eaten and fish being blown up. In one scene there is what happens to be an all-you-can-eat buffet for the shark on an extremely crowded beach.
None of the gore really rises above the PG-13 rating of this film. I took my 11-year-old daughter and she was most disturbed by the chum they used to bait the shark.
For the most part, the language stays a lot more tame than the actual circumstance might call for. We get all of your standard mid-grade swears, none of which are the F-word.
Beyond swear words there is no other objectionable language in this film such as graphic or sexually suggestive dialogue.
As if being trapped in a submarine at a depth deeper than 36,000 isn’t intense enough, throw a shark larger than your submarine into the mix and things intensify.
This movie is full of jump scares and a lot of frantic action. The one problem with Hollywood jump scares these days is you always know when they are coming by the way they set the main character to one side or the other of the shot. Inevitably something scary is going to come at you from the side of the frame left open.
“The Meg” is no exception to this Hollywood formula. Though predictable, you still get caught off-guard with a few scenes, the sense of dread is heightened by whatever additional circumstances the characters may be faced with at that moment.
The violence in this film mostly involves men and fish fighting rather than humans fighting each other.
It’s nice to see mankind find peace when they are united in fighting fish. There are some verbal threats between some characters in the film but nothing is made of them. There are several death scenes where humans and sharks are killed in creative and unpleasant ways.
Sexuality is the subject in this film that is given the least amount of attention, other than an awkward shirtless scene with Jason Statham and Li Bingbing. There is some mild flirting between the characters and that’s it.
“The Meg” is the type of movie you expect it to be. It is entertaining for all the reasons a shark movie should be. Nothing but the size of the animal in this film is over the top or more than you bargained for.
Your kids may jump a few times and turn their eyes away if they are afraid of what’s next, but in the end, you get what you paid for.
"The Meg" is rated PG-13 for action/peril, bloody images and some language.