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Jeff Whitten: Just make it go away
editor's notes

Some lady up north is after me to go vote. She’s so concerned about it she actually penned a handwritten letter explaining how much my vote means.

Doesn’t matter who I vote for, her letter said. Just vote.

I’d like her to know I plan to do just that, and hence this column. I’d also like her to know I haven’t missed many elections in my adult life, bless my heart.

That said, I’d wager a paycheck this is the first election I’ve gotten a handwritten letter from some concerned northerner telling me to go out and cast my ballot in a Georgia election.

Yep. Seems I’m on some mailing list in which busy-bodies from around the U.S. with nothing better to do than worry about other people are mailing letters to supposed “low propensity” Georgia residents urging them to vote in the upcoming U.S. Senate runoff because otherwise the world as we know it will go to you know where in a handbasket, and then we’re really in for a rude awakening.

It’s a dire, bleak, horrible, nasty, deplorable, scary and bad situation, for sure. I’ve been keeping a wary eye on all the political ads on TV and radio and in my mailbox, and it appears this is as clear cut a choice between ad and worse as humankind has ever faced.

In short, either the radical socialist liberal Democrats will burn down your health insurance and turn loose all the prisoners – and probably require you to house one or two in your man cave, free – or the heartless capitalist carpetbagging Wall Street insider Trump kissing Republicans will make another $2.5 billion in interest and leave the rest of us stuck reviving the economy with $600 in stimulus money that won’t even cover a mortgage payment for many.

In other words, either way you go you’re probably going to get shafted.

The left will run you over with taxpayer- funded do gooders in sneakers; the right will continue stripping government funding down until it can’t govern anymore and point to that as proof of how bad government is. Republicans have been doing it for years.

Me, I tend to waffle. You can’t trust me to vote the same way twice.

Sometimes I like to stick it to the man with my ballot, only then I wonder whether someone who gets my vote under those pretenses can actually be trusted to be the man if he/ she wins.

You surely don’t want the person responsible for things like budgets and laws and troops to act like a surly college kid spouting whatever it is surly know-it-all college kids spout these days.

On the flip side, sort of, is the fact I have never understood why people who hate government so much run for office in the first place.

Why bother if it’s just going to make you mad?

And then, once these folks get in office, they sure don’t want to leave.

I can see not wanting term limits if you’re a big government Democrat. Heck, you’re right there in your milieu (I looked that word up and think it fits) and probably happier than a hog in slop getting to have committee meetings and ad hoc stuff until the cows come home.

But if you’re a small government Republican who decries big government and keep trying to get re-elected, well, it’s stranger than running in the first place. And if that wasn’t enough to give one pause in the ballot box, there’s something about people who want to be in charge that should make one nervous.

Especially the people who always want the credit but never the blame. They know who they are.

That said, I’m going to vote in the upcoming Senate runoff. It’s my civic duty. I’d tell you who, but I’m afraid it might swing the election in the other direction.


I did one truly worthwhile thing in 2020 by giving up Facebook. Haven’t missed it a bit. Now, 10 things on my to-do list for 2021: Get a tattoo.

Either that, or a motorcycle and then a tattoo.

Or maybe a tattoo of a motorcycle. That would probably be safer, unless I wind up in prison and have to explain myself.

Learn to crochet my own cool hats. The kind that include beer cans.

Get my eyes and ears checked.

Eat more Spam. (I like Spam grilled).

Write the great American novel.

Learn to fly fish for bass.

Find my mojo.

Grow a mullet.

Have a great 2021. Thanks for reading.

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