Readers, I must confess: I am perhaps the last person in America to have not seen Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey in theatres yet, in IMAX or otherwise.

It’s not because I don’t want to or have no interest; all of the reviews that I have read online so far are overwhelmingly positive. But my inertia remains.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have anyone to go see it with. One of the pains of growing up is seeing all of your old friends scattered across the country and the globe while you’re stuck in your hometown with a mother who falls asleep while watching Turkish dramas on Netflix and a father who thinks all forms of creative media is stupid. Sigh. At least I don’t pay rent.

I could go by myself, but that just sounds sad. Heck, I feel embarrassed even typing that out. Yes, some folks are very comfortable in their own skin and go to fun places by themselves, but I’m not like that. At least not yet, anyway. One of my favorite core memories in life was doing late-night Walmart shopping runs with my college roommate, and not because I spent way too much money on tortilla chips and chocolate ice cream. It’s because I was doing mundane things with my best friend, which is the pinnacle of goofy fun and friendship.

I simply cannot replicate those fuzzy feelings through watching a nearly three-hour film surrounded by chatty film buffs, annoying teenagers, and beeping phones while trying to hold in my pee from drinking a $6 soda.

My solution is this: when The Odyssey eventually comes out on streaming services, I will host a community watch party at the Bryan County News office. I’ll bring a big tarp, a movie projector, some tasty snacks and sugary beverages, and invite members of the Bryan County public who need a wholesome distraction from doomscrolling through the Facebook community pages, much like myself. But please, no spoilers-unless you’re an English teacher.

Song of the week: Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush (1978)

Speaking of media adaptations of books no one bothered to read in high school, a phenomenon called “The Most Wuthering Heights Day Ever” recently occurred in Malmo, Sweden on July 26. The event, celebrated globally each year, is when aficionados of the music video for English singer-songwriter Kate Bush’s hit single “Wuthering Heights” attempt to recreate said video in a public space.

(For the record, there are two music videos for this song; I’m referring to the one where Bush wears a red dress and dances in an English field of some sort).

It’s an incredible song, and one where I cannot sing Bush’s high notes without stubbing my toe or something. The music video of her dancing makes me wish that MTV was still a thing and I could just spend my time watching fun music videos on cable television instead of battling stupid ads on YouTube. I wish Silicon Valley could invent a time machine.

Andrea Gutierrez is the managing editor of the Bryan County News. Her biggest achievement in high school was getting a “5” on the AP English Literature exam.