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Why mommy shaming is a thing
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Have you been attacked about your parenting from people you do not know, or even from your closet friends? Here are some reasons why. Are you guilty of any? - photo by Megan Shauri
Lately it seems there are more and more stories about how moms (and dads) need to support each other instead of criticizing and pointing out flaws; yet these behaviors continue in spite of pleas for them to stop. Why does the shaming and hate continue? Here are some reasons.

We dont take our own advice

We may ask for others to forgive our flaws, but we may not be so forgiving of theirs. The first person we need to look at to make corrections is ourselves. No one is perfect. On the one hand you may be very passionate about giving well-balanced meals to your children, but on the other, you let them watch over the recommended amount of TV a day. Before you criticize someone for their food choices, perhaps ask for advice from them on how they limit screen time. Seek the good, not the bad in others.

People bring it upon themselves

With how social media is today, it is easier to point out flaws in others. A simple picture posted of a child can start a whole drama of online shaming. A parent may not have even noticed the way their child was sitting on the floor or what was on the TV in the background of their video, but others will notice and give them all sorts of flack for it. You may think they have brought this wrath upon themselves because of what they posted online. While this is true in some ways, they posted because they were proud of their child or thought they were cute, not to get beat up about their childs posture. Social media is meant to be fun and a way to share your everyday adventures, not to get a parenting lesson.

We feel it is our duty to make corrections

When we see parents making mistakes we may feel it is our duty to correct them. Parenting is a learning process. We may not always do it right, but over time you become better. While a child that is in actual danger of physical or emotional abuse may need you to step in, that is not the case in most situations. Every child is different. Just because time-outs worked for you and your kids, does not mean that works for every child. Do not interfere with a parents process; this just confuses the child more and undermines the parents right to parent.

We can stay anonymous

A lot of the comments and remarks left on social media or articles on the Internet can remain anonymous. This allows us to go off about a topic without consequence of someone calling you out personally about it. It is easy to say something behind someones back, while to their face is a different story. Staying anonymous is the same as gossiping without a person knowing who started the rumor.

We are only trying to educate others

Some people feel when they see a parent doing something differently than they would it must be because they do not know the right way to do something, and they take it upon themselves to educate the parent. They feel they are only trying to help or teach, but unless advice is asked for, it is more likely to come across as critical than a teaching opportunity. Believe it or not, parents spend a lot of time making decisions about their kids. They weigh the pros and cons, doctors advice, and what is best for their family when making a decision. Just because they make the decision to put their child in a front-facing carseat before they are two (the recommended age, but not the law in many places) does not mean they do not know the statistics or recommendations; it may just mean for their child it was the right thing to do. Next time you see someone doing something you would never do, ask them for their reasoning before assuming they are uneducated.

We simply feel there is nothing wrong with saying what is on our mind.

A lot of times people are just too honest about their feelings. They do not have a filter for their thoughts and do not heed the saying, If you have nothing nice to say, dont say anything at all. Comments, remarks, questions and conversations about another persons parenting style is something that needs to be done with tact and caution, if done at all. Parents are very protective of their children, and to question how they are doing is a very hard and personal critique to make. Dont be surprised if the parent gets defensive, angry or even defriends you if you tend to do this. It may be best to just keep your thoughts to yourself.

While the world is advancing with technology, and the ease of getting information to a large population in a small amount of time, it does not make it right to forget our manners when talking about or to others. Mommy shaming, parent bashing and criticizing others are destroying our relationships. Whether you are best friends with someone or dont know them at all, it is not right. Lets try to lift each other up rather than tear each other apart.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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