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Why I said no to leprechauns and mommy guilt
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From mischievous leprechauns to that demanding Elf on the Shelf, moms don't need to jump on every Pinterest bandwagon to give their kids a happy childhood. - photo by Erin Stewart
As I lay in bed one night last week, one thought kept needling its way into my thoughts: Should I get up and dye the toilet water green?

You see, it was the night before St. Patricks Day, and I knew many children would wake up to leprechaun footprints, green milk in the fridge and all sorts of similar shamrock shenanigans.

But my kids would not. My kids would be greeted by clear toilet water on St. Paddys Day. The unspeakable horror!

I wrestled with my urge to get up and do something adorably Irish. It would be so easy two little drops of food dye in the toilet bowl. But I didnt do it. Why? Because I simply cant start one more holiday tradition that will then become mandatory in our house and that I will grow to resent more each year and wonder why in the world Im even doing it.

Heres why Id be doing it: Because other moms do it. Because my kindergartener learned at school that on St. Patricks Day, little mischievous men dressed in green come to your house and do funny tricks and leave gold coins.

Id be doing it out of guilt that my child is somehow missing out on something. Guilt that we dont celebrate every single holiday on the calendar with a special visitor to our home or some elaborate production.

Some mothers may love playing leprechaun on St. Patricks Day. I do not. So I decided not to because motherhood is all about choices. We choose whats best for our families every day in the foods we buy, the activities we pay for and the way we spend our time.

I choose to spend my time on traditions I have handpicked because they mean something to me. We host a Valentines Day tea party every year, for example. We drink hot chocolate on the first snowfall of the year. We have lots of traditions that belong to us because we choose them, and we love them.

As mothers, we cant do it all. If I tried to do every holiday gimmick I saw on Pinterest, I would drive myself crazy, and Id take my kids and husband along for the ride. Its just not possible. Ive seen too many mothers grudgingly getting out that Elf on the Shelf each Christmas, wondering why they even started down that path. One more obligation. One more thing to remember at the end of the day to make sure our children have the perfect childhood.

If youre bursting with Elf on the Shelf ideas, more power to you. And if St. Patricks Day shenanigans bring you joy, go for it. But if they dont, let it go. Dont borrow stress and resentment in an effort to do every holiday, every birthday party, every project to the max.

Make the choices your family needs you to make. Theres only so much time and energy, so whats really important to you?

For me, I chose not to get up and dye the toilet water green. And you know what? It felt awesome. In some weird way, my little act of omission empowered me. I said no to the guilt. I made a conscious choice for myself and for my family.

I admit, I felt a fleeting pang of mommy guilt when my kindergartener woke up and excitedly hurried into the hallway to look for leprechauns that her friends and teachers had promised her. But I stayed strong despite my inclination to run to the store during the school day to try to fix the look of disappointment on my daughters face. Instead, I just helped my kids dress up in green for St. Patricks Day, and sent in lots of empty boxes and Lucky Charms for the leprechaun traps theyd make at school.

Theyll probably never know why the leprechauns skip our house each year, but I do. And I also know they will survive their woefully deprived, shamrock-free childhoods. I believe, though, that they will recover a lot better from that than from a childhood with a mother who has buried herself in guilt and obligation.

So, no, they wont get leprechaun high jinks, but they will get a mother who loves them and herself enough to choose carefully what things matter to our family and what things we can let go.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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