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Where did Grandma go? Dealing with the reality of dementia
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One of my boys helped Great-Grandma walk her dogs on a Tuesday with Grandma." - photo by Brittany Jones
My parents were taking care of Grandma, but they needed help. My mother asked if I could visit one day a week. Overwhelmed with four rowdy boys, I reluctantly agreed to Mom's request.

Grandma was waiting in the front room as I pulled into her driveway for our weekly visit. She rushed to raise the garage door. I hugged Grandma, happy to see her, but I was distracted by the to-do list racing through my mind.

The boys chased her dogs while Grandma asked repetitive questions. I yawned and repeated the same answers. I looked around the living room windows needed to be washed, carpets were dirty and dust covered everything. I excused myself to the bathroom.

The bathroom was more disturbing than the living room. The toilet ring and toothpaste residue were more than I could handle. Tears streamed down my face as I stared into the water-spotted mirror, remembering my childhood in this home.

Growing up, I lived next door to my grandparents. My siblings and I would go straight to Grandma's house after school for homemade chocolate chip cookies. On Saturdays, we would climb trees in my grandparents' yard while Grandpa did yardwork and Grandma prepared lunch.

After my grandpa passed away, Grandma began to change. Little by little, she became someone I didn't recognize. Instead of spending her days cooking and cleaning, she sat with her dogs doing nothing.

As I came out of the bathroom, Grandma had my 3-year-old on a barstool. She offered him cookies but couldn't find them in her pantry. As she shuffled around, I noticed a package of cookies on the countertop. When I pointed them out to her, we both laughed.

This was the room where Grandma taught me how to make peanut butter cups, mints and toffee. She showed me how to knead bread and take cookies out of the oven at just the right time.

Do you still make cookies? I inquired.

Her response was equal parts laughter and frustration: Oh honey, I dont even remember the last time I made cookies.

She began again with her questions:

"How's your sister?"

"Does she have a job?"

"Where is she working?"

Repeated 10 times.

We continued the question-and-answer dance until I had to leave. After hugging goodbye, she lingered in the doorway until we were out of sight.

Driving away, I was sure I couldnt do this every week. I was being selfish, I know, but I couldn't see the point of visiting if Grandma couldn't even remember I had been there.

My grandma has dementia. She can no longer drive. She can't remember what she liked to do so she simply does nothing. The grandma I knew is gone.

It made me sad, but I quickly realized I couldnt enjoy time with Grandma if I was stuck in the past. I had to accept my grandma as she was now.

The following week, I changed my approach. We went to a park. It was magical to watch her eyes light up as my boys fed the ducks. We had visited this park numerous times in the past. But to her, it was all new.

Every Tuesday, we did something new together. We went grocery shopping, to the car wash and the post office. We went to the zoo, local fairs and restaurants for lunch.

As our activities changed, so did our conversations. She still had her long-term memory, so I would ask about my grandpa. They met during World War II. Chuckling, she reminisced about how they eloped. She told me about my mom's childhood, how she broke her arm chasing boys at recess. Her favorite stories were about living in Denver as a newlywed, starting her family there, and Grandpa working on the railroad.

I also discovered new things to love about Grandma. She is unhurried, peaceful and methodical. Watching her explore the world with new eyes has been refreshing. The lessons I learn during my time with Grandma have been more valuable than anything on my to-do list.

Tuesdays with Grandma started as an obligation, but turned into precious time. As I leave my grandma each week, I know that within minutes, she won't remember I was there. Thats not important to me anymore. I now appreciate the little moments. Because life is all about the little moments.

Life is lived in minutes, hours and days. We take each moment as they come. For me, Tuesdays are for Grandma.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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