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When is a massage cheating on your spouse?
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Getting a massage can help you destress -- or it can be a major stress on your relationship. Which one depends on how you answer the following questions. - photo by Ethan Bratt
When it comes to whether a massage is cheating, youll find people who adamantly say yes, no, and every shade of depends in between. After all, the hands on nature of a massage and lack of clothing can really blur the lines for some couples.

If youre unsure whether your massage is part of your healthcare routine or bordering on an affair, just answer these simple questions:

1. Is it hidden?

First and foremost, does your partner know youre going for a massage? If not, why not? How would they react if they found out about the massage? If they knew that your massage therapist was someone of the opposite sex, would they still give you the green light? Anytime you think about keeping something secret from your spouse (except that surprise trip to Costa Rica), think again. If youre going for a massage, that fact should be on the table.

2. Is the contact appropriate?

Sexual contact is obviously wrong, but thats not the only contact to consider. You also need to consider your emotions and thoughts. Do massages bring out your chatty side? Venting is one thing; but be careful about crossing the line into sharing more with your massage therapist than with your spouse. Are your massage table confessions building emotional intimacy that is better left to your other half? Are you finding it easier to open up to your massage therapist than your spouse? If so, it sounds like you may be drifting into inappropriate waters.

3. Is there attraction?

Finding someone other than your spouse attractive is normal. You keep appropriate boundaries, dont indulge the attraction, and go along with life. But when that person is the one giving you a massage, that can be an entirely different situation. Attraction alone doesnt mean it is cheating. But going back to that massage therapist because youre attracted to him or her is definitely line-crossing behavior.

4. Do they think its cheating?

Its an obvious question, but an important one! In fact, the most important of the bunch. If your spouse feels that getting a massage breaks a relationship rule, massages should immediately cease. Relationships work when both people agree to and follow boundaries about what is appropriate outside the relationship. If you go for a massage, your spouse needs to be comfortable with it.

What to do when your spouse says no

Just because your spouse isnt on board doesnt mean that ship has sailed. It means that theres a chance to get to know them (and for them to get to know you) better! Here are some tips for helping them with their tension:

1. Get chatty.

Take some time to learn about each others views on what makes it appropriate or inappropriate. You might be completely missing their concern. Once youve heard them out, theyll be a lot more likely to hear your thoughts. Help them understand what massages mean to you. Hearing each other out may make all the difference.

2. Give them some control.

Sometimes just letting them pick the massage business or therapist is all it takes for them to be on board. Give them some guidelines (days/times, swedish vs. deep tissue, etc.) so they can set up the appointment and put their mind at ease.

3. Make a date of it.

Dont leave them out -- invite them! Let them know that youre not hiding anything. Schedule a couples massage, tack on dinner, and enjoy a great Friday night date together!

A massage can be wonderfully therapeutic, as long as it doesnt cause more tension than it relieves. With these questions and tips keeping your massages in check, both you and your relationship can stay stress-free.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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