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What love is from someone who has never been in love
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Did I get it right? - photo by Melinda Fox
"I want to know what love is!"

We were sitting at my friends' kitchen table munching on warm banana bread with cream cheese frosting when my friend burst out with the Foreigner song.

"I want to feel what love is!"

That was her goal for the year. The five of us looked at each other, realizing that with roughly a quarter of our lives under our belts, we still had yet to taste something as seemingly fundamental as romantic love.

I turned to the one of us who was in a relationship and asked, "Are you in love?"

She wasn't sure. "How am I supposed to know?"

I'm not really sure how anyone is supposed to know if they're in love. I imagine that the definition is as individual as each person. Even within a relationship, I assume that the definition of love is fluid and changes with time. But that January evening, I tried to articulate a definition by asking my friend some questions that would allow her to search her emotions.

I don't know if these questions really can help anyone define love. Maybe someone who has never been in love has no right to define it. Maybe I'm looking for something that doesn't exist. Maybe one day I'll "know what love is" and it will be nothing like what I imagine it to be right now.

But for what it's worth, I think that love is in the answers to these questions.

Do you like being with him most?

Sure, sometimes you just want to be alone so you can listen to some Bon Iver and spend time with your colored pencils, but, most of the time, you want him there. When he's not around, you think things like, "This would be so much more fun if he was here" or "I can't wait to show him this because he would love it." Basically, for the majority of your activities is he the person that you want to do them with?

Are you happy to sacrifice for him?

This doesn't mean that you are thrilled about getting out of your warm bed at one in the morning to help him fix his broken down car. But it does mean that you are happy that he had someone to call and that person is you and it makes you feel good to have the opportunity to do something for him.

Do you see him in your future?

When you imagine yourself five, 10, 50 years from now, do you like the idea of him being a part of it? You don't have to have all the details like porch swings and 401Ks planned out, but you should like the idea of him being in your life for a long time.

Are you your truest self with him but want to be your best self?

I think when you're in love with someone, you aren't a filtered version of yourself. You let your natural thoughts and feelings out because you're not shielding your true self from him.

However, our truest self isn't necessarily our best self. And even though you feel free to be yourself with him, he makes you want to be a little bit better. He sees the best in you, encourages you and is a good person himself so being with him also helps you to become your best self.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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