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Turning 'thanksgiving' into a verb in our families
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Linda and Richard Eyre with their nine children. - photo by Linda and Richard Eyre
Heres a question for you: Is there one single quality, or attribute, or sentiment that could legitimately be called

The easiest gift to give

The noblest of virtues

The bringer or precipitator of other virtues

Even the parent of all other virtues

The highest form of thought

The multiplier of happiness

The biggest difference-maker among virtuous and non-virtuous people?

We think the answer is yes and we believe that that one sublime and powerful quality is gratitude.

Gratitude changes everything and improves everything and everyone within a family. But it doesnt happen unless parents teach it, set the example, and help children to express it. November and the Thanksgiving season is a great time to begin.

Being truly and deliberately thankful is like a secret key to happiness even to joy that is available to all but used by few.

It is one of those things that is hidden in plain sight something that we know intuitively and yet do not focus on as much as we should. It is the fact that gratitude precipitates joy. In fact, gratitude is a form of joy, and joy is a form of gratitude.

The magic of this concept is that gratitude is the most obtainable kind of joy. Because unlike happiness, gratitude can actually be practiced it is a skill that can be developed and a habit that can be learned. And it not only always attracts joy to its practitioner it always gives joy to whomever it is directed.

We need to learn to live in thanksgiving to make it our atmosphere to be surrounded by it to let it permeate everything, and to teach it to our children.

Thanksgiving can become a skill, an aptitude, a talent, defined and deliberate and directed developed by awareness, perspective and practice. It can be generated, gained, and given... and it is, as much as we want of it, within our power.

Thanksgiving is a noun, but in our family, thanksgiving as a verb started one Thanksgiving Day when the TV parades were getting a little long, the turkey had another couple of hours to cook, and the kids were a bit bored. Wanting to make something happen, I grabbed a roll of calculator paper that tells you how long ago it was and yelled, Hey, lets play a game while we wait for dinner. The game was making a list of everything we could think of that we were thankful for.

What made it work is that we have a bunch of competitive kids. They got caught up in putting more things on the list than anyone else. Someone would yell something out, and I would write it down and number it on the narrow paper of the unrolling roll. I would yell out 40 and then 50 as the list grew.

The things on the early list were obvious freedom, parents, shoes but as we went over 100, some of them got a little obscure doorknobs, potato peelers. I would say something like, Come on, are you really thankful for that? And the kid would say, Sure, how would we open doors?

That first year, we got to 500. (That became the goal at about 400 when someone said, Let's keep going, we are almost to 500.) We strung the list up like crepe paper above the dining table, and the spirit and conversation of gratitude held up throughout the meal. A tradition was born.

The next Thanksgiving, of course, we had to break our record and we got to 600.

Weve kept all those rolls of paper all those lists of gratitude each a testament to the blessings and the joys of a year almost past.

As our children got older, and as Thanksgivings were spent with extended families and friends, the thankful list evolved into a thankful game: Each person makes a list of 10 unique things he is profoundly grateful for; then each list is read out loud and each blessing that is also on someone elses list has to be crossed off so that each persons score is the number of things listed that no one else thought of.

Here is a holiday challenge for you: As Thanksgiving (noun) approaches, lets all try as parents and grandparents to bring about more thanksgiving (verb).
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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