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To my husband on Valentine's Day
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Like most things in my life, Valentines Day has become all about the kids. But while Im running around in this jam-packed, child-raising time of our lives, I just want you to know: I see you. - photo by Erin Stewart
To my husband on Valentines Day:

Like most things in my life, Valentines Day has become all about the kids. Youve probably noticed all the shards of pink paper on the floor the last few days as we cut out hearts to prepare for class parties. What can I say? We have two girls who love pink, hearts and everything Valentines Day-related, so its no wonder this once romantic, couples-only holiday has become yet another kid-centered hoopla in our house.

So I wanted to take a moment and tell you that even though I am caught up in the whirlwind of raising our two daughters (and throwing Valentines Day tea parties), you are still my Valentine.

I know you get lost in the shuffle sometimes between trying to do well at your job, being a great dad and finding time to be an amazing husband. Life seems to always be about our children, never about us. Never about you.

But while Im running around in this jam-packed, child-raising time of our lives, I just want you to know: I see you.

I see you getting up early to go to work and always getting dressed in the dark so you dont wake me. I see you cleaning up at the end of the day when Im too tired. I notice you reading and wrestling with the kids after dinner. I watch as you teach our daughters every day how they should be treated.

I see how you leave your job stress at our doorstep so youre all smiles and hugs and rolling on the floor. I see you pretending to have energy you dont and patience you shouldnt.

I realize that you dont say anything when the house is a mess or I am a mess or theres nothing for dinner yet. You roll up your sleeves and help because thats just what you do.

So even though Im distracted doing my mommy thing, I see you.

And I know I dont say it nearly enough, but I couldnt do any of it without you.

When you walk through the door, I breathe a sigh of relief, and not just because you help shoulder the daily burdens. I sigh because your presence at the end of the day allows me to breathe. I can relax. You are here. Everything will be OK.

So while Im cutting out Valentines Day cards and baking a thousand sugar cookies for the tea party this week, know that you are the one who holds my heart. We might not be as romantic as we were in our pre-baby days, but its still you and me (even if a hot date now means binge-watching Netflix and busting out the good snacks).

Someday, when these child-rearing years are behind us, it will be us again. Just you and me, the way it was before (plus a few more wrinkles, pounds and stories).

The chaos of now will be quiet, but you will still be my breath. Constant, steady and seemingly unnoticed but impossible to live without.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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