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Thoughts on school shootings and the emotions behind them
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As I sat in my room after an emotional day, I saw the news of the recent school shooting in Parkland, Florida. As I read several posts, I began to think about emotions and their possible link to these tragedies, and wondered what I could do about it. - photo by Arianne Brown
It was early in the afternoon nap time to be exact and I was sitting in my room next to my sleeping babies, scrolling through the weeks news feed after days of not doing so. I saw post after post about the recent school shooting in Parkland, Florida.

As I sat there, my eyes were swollen from tears I had cried, and my whole body felt weak after an unimaginable feeling of anxiety and fear was beginning to dissipate into the air. I then looked down at my 2-year-old son, kissed his forehead, and a feeling of relief came over me because he was safe everything would be OK.

The gamut of emotions that I felt was real and raw but at that moment, the sadness, fear, anxiety and relief had little to do with what I was reading about on my news feed.

Not long before this moment, I was in my 2-year-olds room, putting away his laundry. He was helping me and as he was, he climbed up his dresser that I thought was secured to the wall, pulling it down on top of himself. I saw the whole thing happen and was too far away to stop it.

The top of the dresser came down on his little forehead right between his eyes. In those milliseconds, time slowed and I saw the impact and what it was doing to his face.

Blood was everywhere, and he was crying. I lifted the dresser and picked him up, using a nearby blanket to put pressure on the wound, and I sat there holding him tightly until we both calmed down enough to assess the damage. Thankfully, all that he had was a small gash, a few scratches and a swollen face. I began the process of cleaning him up, dressing his wound and talking to him to make sure his mind was OK.

I breathed a sigh of relief because it could have been much worse. However, I still had all of these emotions running through my body that needed to be acknowledged and even felt. I needed to cry. I needed to recognize my fear and anxiety. Then I needed to resolve it by hugging my little boy who was now sound asleep.

As I read those stories and statistics on school shootings, complete with all of the emotions felt in my own moment of crisis, my mind went to the shooter. Im not quite sure why, but it did. I wondered about all of those emotions that he must have been feeling when he was at the school that day and leading up to that day.

I wondered if he was sad and was allowed to cry. I wondered if he was scared, and if he was able to express that fear to people he trusted. I wondered if he felt anger and was given an outlet to express that anger or, at the very least, acknowledge it.

Then I thought about my own growing children particularly my boys. It was perfectly OK for my toddler to cry in his time of need, but was I allowing my older sons to do that, too? Was I a safe place for them to talk about anger, fear, anxiety and sadness?

Perhaps this is one piece of the puzzle as we continue the discussion of this epidemic that is plaguing our nations schools, or maybe its not. What I do know is that those emotions I felt that day as I took care of my little guy were so intense that if I kept them in, I knew I would burst.

Emotions are real, and they need to be felt. They need to be experienced and acknowledged, and I hope that as a parent, I am doing my part to allow that to happen.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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