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The price of love
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Loving someone comes at a cost. There are always negatives with the positives. Here are a few prices we pay for love. - photo by Megan Shauri
We often think love is only a positive thing, and while there are a lot of amazing things that happen when we love someone, there are some things that are unexpected. Feelings and experiences that are hard to go through, hard to understand, and hard to accept, but we do because of love.

It does not mean we should fear love, or reject it, because then we would be missing out on one of the greatest emotions of our human lives. But, if we are aware that love does not come cheap, but rather at a price, then we can accept those challenges and let them refine us rather than destroy us.

Here are just some of the prices you may pay for love:

Sleepless nights

Whether it is because you are up with a crying child, worried about something your husband is going through, or waiting on your teenager to come home, loving someone means losing sleep over them. Of course, it is a bit easier to stay awake when you are staring into the eyes of your newborn baby, or pulling an all-nighter with your spouse so he can pass his college exams and move on to a better career. In the end, it is worth it.

Added stress

When you love someone, you take on their problems, their challenges, and their difficulties. This just adds to your stress. On the reverse side, you may find that your personal stress is less because you have someone helping you through your problems. Just know you will stress over their problems just as much, or more, than your own problems. It may affect you more when they are upset then when you are, and this can add to your overall stress.

You experience a roller coaster of emotions

You may find yourself really connected with the person you love, so much so, that when they are happy, you are happy, and when they are sad, you are sad. Your emotions are intertwined, which can be good and bad. Just as you are connected with them, they are connected with you. This means you dont necessarily have to join them when they are down, but rather you can help pull them out of their slumps. It takes a lot of energy and of course love to do that, and you may find yourself riding the emotional roller coaster more than you thought you would.

Disappointment

When you love someone, they may disappoint you. Your child may make a mistake that really upsets you. Your spouse may forget your anniversary or birthday or someone may not live up to your expectations. These are all things that you cannot control, but because of the love you feel, you are affected by that persons actions. When this happens, try to remember all the times they didnt disappoint you, or they surpassed your expectations. Everyone makes mistakes; it does not mean you stop loving them as a result.

Making sacrifices

Loving someone means making sacrifices. Whether it is something small like not watching the TV show you wanted to watch, or something big like moving across country to support your spouses career. Love means sacrifice. It means giving up what you want to make someone else happy. It means not letting your own desires stand in the way of the good of the relationship. It does not mean losing yourself completely in someone elses shadow, but rather not minding giving something up because of the love you have for them.

Confusion

We may not always understand love. We may not understand why someone did what they did, or why we feel the way we do. Sometimes love does not make sense. We may even question if we really do love someone. What does love really mean after all? Is there a difference between love and lust? Or love and duty?

These questions are normal, and something we may feel more than once. Love is complicated. It can take work and effort to maintain your love. Just because your relationship may need work, does not mean you do not love someone. It can be easy to love someone when things are going good in other aspects of your life, but it is continuing to love them through the bad times; that really counts.

Heartache

At times, our loved ones may do something to really break our hearts. Cheating on us, fighting with us, lying to us, these are all things that may cause us heartache. It is not easy to recover from these feelings, and we may not fully get over some things, but that is a confirmation that we really do love them. If we did not, we would not be affected by their actions. Love can be risky. We are giving all of ourselves to someone else, and they have a power over us. But the risk is worth it.

All of these prices we pay for love have a reverse side. Yes, we may lose sleep, but you are spending your waking hours caring for someone who makes your world go round. We may have added stress, but we can learn to share our burdens and get advice on your own difficult situations. We may experience heartache, disappointment and confusion, but we also get to experience so many more happy emotions such as euphoria, thrill, affirmation, bliss, tenderness, and passion. We pay a price for love, but in the end, that price is nothing in comparison to what we get in return.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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