By allowing ads to appear on this site, you support the local businesses who, in turn, support great journalism.
The era of walking on eggshells
5e92b4ba44492b29f1b4a94245c9a4056911b4442c760ebb6660601cbd5b5514
No Caption - photo by Tiffany Gee Lewis
The era of offense seems to have reached a fevered pitch.

Perhaps youve felt it, too that sense that you cant say anything without offending someone: old people, young people, people of faith, people without faith, minorities, women, men, Northerners, left-handers, non-athletes, people who drive Subarus or wear white after Labor Day.

You get the idea.

It seems the entire country is on alert, looking to be offended at every turn.

Political correctness was the buzzword of the 90s and early 2000s. But this more recent trend goes beyond political correctness into what a recent article in The Atlantic The Coddling of the American Mind, by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt calls microaggressions.

The term microaggressions grew out of the 1970s to mean unconscious racial affronts. Recently, the term has ballooned to encompass any seeming offense, and nowhere is it being felt more than on college campuses.

Traditionally places of free speech and liberal ideals, universities have become coddled spaces where nothing shocking or outside the norm can be said or discussed. This summer, a professor, writing under a fake name to protect his identity, wrote an article titled, Im a liberal professor, and my liberal students terrify me.

Professors have been called out for assigning threatening literature to their students in everything from F. Scott Fitzgeralds The Great Gatsby to Chinua Achebes Things Fall Apart. Students are demanding that professors issue trigger warnings on content that might offend or cause trauma. And they are turning against other students who, often inadvertently, say or do anything that might be considered offensive.

As Lukianoff and Haidt write, Attempting to shield students from words, ideas and people that might cause them emotional discomfort are bad for the students (and) they are bad for American democracy, which is already paralyzed by worsening partisanship. When the ideas, values and speech of the other side are seen not just as wrong but as willfully aggressive toward innocent victims, it is hard to imagine the kind of mutual respect, negotiation and compromise that are needed to make politics a positive-sum game.

In a nation founded on free speech, this climate should ring alarm bells for all of us. It creates an environment where were all walking on eggshells, afraid to speak or voice an opinion for fear of retribution.

Because, indeed, the retribution is real, and it extends far beyond college campuses, from movie directors who have shuttered their Twitter accounts because of death threats to everyday people who have been victims of trolling and online bullying. The grand irony in all of this is that the very people who demand tolerance for themselves often become the most intolerant and even vitriolic at seeking revenge when they feel wronged by anothers free speech.

In the 1970s, political scientist Elisabeth Noelle-Neumann developed a theory called the Spiral of Silence. It states that people tend to remain silent when they feel their opinion is in opposition to the majority.

Afraid of being ostracized, the group in the perceived minority stays quiet. As they self-regulate their own speech into continued silence, the idea is reinforced that they truly are the minority, creating a downward spiral.

The theory has its flaws, but as Ive watched these latest aggressions unfold, I cant help but think that were creating an atmosphere where were all muted out of fear of retribution. The more we tolerate this intolerance, the more we give power to the movement.

Not only is this trend bad for democracy, its terrible for our own mental well-being. We may stay silent out of risk of offending someone who has been traumatized or has anxiety about a certain topic.

However, as The Atlantic article points out, avoiding offense is the worst way, mentally, for us to overcome anxiety. If you get kicked off a horse, you dont throw away your plastic horse figurines and avoid horses for the rest of your life. You climb back on and start riding. The same goes for offense. Exposure therapy is one of the most effective ways to work through trauma or anxiety and move back toward normalcy.

When we silence offenders, whether intentionally or not, we perpetuate the belief that our fragile selves cant take anything but lollipops and roses. Thats the message we send on college campuses, on social media and all the way down to our living rooms and elementary schools.

What seems to be missing today is the old-fashioned parlor-room debate, when people of differing opinions and backgrounds gathered to hash out their ideas, shout their frustrations, then shake hands and part as equals bitter rivals comfortable in their differences. There was room for disagreement, and even offense, at the table of ideas.

Re-creating that type of culture starts in our homes, at our kitchen tables and in our communities and congregations. None of us wants a sterile world where we all think alike or act in the same way, squeaky clean in our musings.

Most especially, we do not want a world where were afraid of stepping outside for fear of the eggshells.
Sign up for our E-Newsletters
How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
ce406c66b9871a104ac24256a687e4821d75680dcfc89d9e5398939543f7f88f
A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
Latest Obituaries