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The books that change us
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A customor peruses books at Barnes and Noble in Salt Lake City in October 1997. - photo by Tiffany Gee Lewis
I got one of those spammy emails recently from Goodreads. Referring to a book I had on my completed list, the subject title was Did you enjoy Animal Farm?

I had to laugh.

No, I did not enjoy George Orwells Animal Farm. One does not enjoy reading about horses that end up in the glue factory and swine that rise to power through greed and oppression. The story is not a pretty one.

But Im so glad I finished Animal Farm. And Im a better person for having read it.

A few years ago, I quit attending book clubs. It seems we never got past the first question: Did you like the book?

To me, that is the wrong question to ask. To enjoy or like a story means to take pleasure from the plot, the characters and the writing. There are only two answers to that question, which makes for a very short and anemic discussion.

If we all just read the books we liked, or the books we enjoyed, wed be limited to romance and the latest John Grisham. Our bedside tables would look like those revolving carousels in airports, with their endless stream of Nora Ephron and Stephen King.

There are several reasons to read, and pleasure should be at the top of the list. If we dont love at least some of the books we read, well give up on the art form entirely.

But we should also read for other reasons: to inform, educate and expand our world-view. The best writing, the best of literature, should give us an experience. That can and should involve a wide range of emotions, including sorrow, horror, discomfort, anger and frustration. We should feel as if weve traveled down a path and been forever changed.

As P.A. Christensen said, Those books are good which transform us.

I think of the books that have stayed with me. They are not always books Ive liked. Theyre books like Anna Karenina, Tess of the DUbervilles, A Picture of Dorian Gray, The Giver and Farenheit 451. They include gritty true-life stories like Life and Death in Shanghai, Unbroken and The Hiding Place.

Of course not all books have to be tragic to give you an experience. Harry Potter gave birth to a whole new generation of readers because it gave them access to a magical world of broomsticks and orphaned wizards. A good book, like life, has both light and shadow.

As recent studies have shown, the power of good books cannot be understated. Literary fiction, which tends to focus more on psychology of characters and their relationships, significantly increases empathy in readers, according to an article by Julianne Chiaet in Scientific America. Empathy, as in, the ability to understand what a person is experiencing. We may not live on the streets or in a war-torn country, but when we read good stories, we can more fully understand that world.

Percy Bysshe Shelley figured this out years before when he wrote in "A Defence of Poetry": A man, to be greatly good, must imagine intensely and comprehensively; he must put himself in the place of another and of many others; the pains and pleasures of his species must become his own. The great instrument of moral good is imagination.

That imagination is largely lost from our society today as we focus so much on instant gratification of social media: the selfies, the travelogues, the latest and most shocking/upsetting/scintillating news tidbits. We run from one caper to the next, breathless from the pace of staying forever tapped in.

If there is respite, it comes through literature, which allows for a pause from the breakneck speed.

Because of this, as parents we should not only be reading ourselves, but getting good books into the hands of our young people.

Its why Im a huge fan of encouraging literature in schools. I never would have picked up books like Cry the Beloved Country or Siddhartha without a mandate from a teacher. Like any blue-blooded teenager, I didnt like those books at the time. I moaned my way through Beowulf and Shakespeare s Hamlet with the rest of them.

Ill never forget sitting on my bed as a high school sophomore, slogging my way through The Scarlett Letter. I felt like I was drowning in Nathaniel Hawthornes flowery prose.

Then something happened. I cut through the language and saw a story emerge, a tragic and shocking narrative of a woman and a priest and a little baby girl. I turned page after page, no longer reading because of the five-paragraph essay due on Friday. I read because I felt the weight of this story, how it made me think about prejudice and choice and consequence.

I know people who only believe in reading happy stories. I understand that. We live in a dark world. I dont pick up anything too tragic between the months of January and March, because the Minnesota winters are bleak enough without any help from John Steinbeck and Thomas Hardy.

But if we only read one type of book, or sadly, dont read at all, then we see the world through a single lens instead of a multi-faceted prism.

That, to me, is more tragic than anything Shakespeare ever wrote.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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