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Pirates, shark attacks and rambunctiousness: Rooting for boys
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Grocery shopping is always entertaining for fellow grocery-getters when I bring my boys (and nephew!). - photo by Carmen Rasmusen Herbert
I get a lot of looks when I take all four of my boys out in public.

I've seen the raised-eyebrow "Yikes! I am so glad I dont have kids" look, the nose-turned-up Please control your little animals look, the narrowed-eyed Your toddler is ruining my once-a-month lunch look, and the occasional half-smile I promise you will wish for these days back look. I am usually trying not to look at anyone, aiming to get out of the house and back with only minor catastrophes, which almost never happens.

Usually, I call my mom crying about how inadequate I feel, how incredibly hard being a mother is and how, try as I may, I just dont get boys. I want to sit quietly and read a book. My boys will oblige for a little while, then suddenly leap off the couch, screaming, WATCH OUT, THERES A SHARK!

I want to have a nice, quiet lunch where we talk about what wed like to do for the rest of the afternoon. My boys are seeing how much food they can shove in their mouths while simultaneously standing, straddling or hanging off the chairs, even sometimes doing laps around the kitchen island.

And I can't commiserate with my husband when he gets home because hes one of them. As soon as he walks in the door, all five of my boys run/crawl toward each other and meet in the family room where they have one big giant wrestling match on the floor, roaring with laughter as they attack each other.

I am a lone reed.

But I dont want them to be anything else. I dont want them to be more like me, more feminine or mild-mannered or emotionally intuitive. I just want to know how I can best nurture and raise them to be the strong, steady, wonderful men they are meant to be.

Christina Hoff Sommers, a scholar at the American Enterprise Institute, recorded a short clip that has been circling Facebook, in which she talks about how crucial it is that we acknowledge and celebrate boy-ness in all its rambunctious glory.

First, help boys develop a love of reading, she said.

Boys prefer comics and nonfiction. Boys whose eyes glaze over when forced to read Little House on the Prairie may be riveted by the Guinness Book of World Records, Sommers said. Boys will read if given materials that interest them. She then cited a website filled with ideas for books that have proven irresistible to boys, titled guysread.com. I loved all the suggestions of books from many genres to help make our daily reading time more enjoyable.

Next, Sommers discussed how parents can help inspire a boy's imagination. Cowboys, pirates, monsters, dinosaurs and superheroes fighting for world peace are all characters to which boys are innately drawn. She said not to be alarmed if our boys come home from school with a picture of a zombie attacking someone (as my oldest did). It simply means he is using his kinetic imagination.

Lastly, she said, Boys need to work off some of their energy! They need to be free to play games they enjoy."

At the park the other day, I watched with equal parts interest and horror as my boys teamed up with some neighborhood children to play a game where every boy but one would run up on the playground set and then try to dodge a very old broom handle being poked through the holes on the steps by the boy left at the bottom, while they pelted him with shoes.

They thought it was the best game ever.

Boys need to be physical, to be loud and adventurous, to take risks and explore the world around them. Im not saying they have a free pass to be as crazy or wild as they want. But I do appreciate a smile and salute more than a rolled eye or rude comment about controlling my kids.

I also appreciate the amazing store manager at a boutique called Bella Ella who recently told me to come back with my boys! anytime to shop.

Bring 'em! she said with a smile. Ill let them run around and be crazy in here. They can do their boy thing while you look for clothes.

The fact that she accepted and was OK with my boys more lively presence meant the world to me. May we all celebrate and root for the exuberance of boys.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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