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My genes made me miserable. Now what?
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Discover 4 things you can do at home to alter your genetic tendencies, fight depression and feel good consistently. - photo by Christine Walker
If modern science is correct, it seems somewhere between 50 to 80 percent of our happiness is determined not by our circumstances but by our genetics. It also seems the majority of us are programmed to be wound up tight full of stress and anxiety.

Evolutionarily speaking, this makes sense. If you imagine two rabbits standing at the edge of a clearing looking at an abundance of fresh food in the center, at least one of them needs enough courage to venture out and get the food; but, in order for their genes to survive, its also important for one to stay hidden in case there is danger lurking nearby. For maximum survival of a species, most of the members must be careful (somewhat worried or stressed) with only a few willing to confront the danger.

The trouble with evolutionary theories is that we are human. We dont only exist and evolve; we experience and reflect on our feelings. Living in a constant state of worry or stress like many of us do is unpleasant and unhealthy. Its hard to feel happy when youre too busy being careful.

So what are your options if genetics have left you feeling less than satisfied with your life?

There are four things you can do to overcome your natural ways of responding to your circumstances.

Identify

We all have two thought streams running through our minds: an intentional or conscious thought stream and an automatic or subconscious thought stream. Generally, its the subconscious thought stream where our survival instinct resides that holds us back. If we can learn to recognize and tap into that subconscious thought stream, we can retrain it in a way that feels more satisfying to our conscious thought stream.

We call this mindfulness, and meditation is the primary way to practice it. There are plenty of resources you can find to guide you through it.

For those of you who struggle to meditate, mindfulness can be learned in other ways like through writing.

And for those of you who believe you lack the time to practice mindfulness, you might enjoy "The Miracle of Mindfulness" or "Peace is Every Step" by Thich Nhat Hanh. Both books will teach you how to incorporate mindfulness into your everyday life.

Retrain

Once youve learned to identify the thoughts that are holding you back, you can start the retraining process. Cognitive therapy is a time-tested and effective methodology for retraining your thoughts.

If youre not a big fan of therapy, thats okay because cognitive therapy has been around long enough for there to be some helpful resources you can use at home on your own. Two of my favorites are "The Feeling Good Handbook" and "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life." Both books are full of information and exercises to help you gradually retrain or reprogram your natural inclinations.

Heal

According to Dr. Jonathan Haidt, stress kills the cells in your brain that are supposed to turn off your stress. Its a self-perpetuating cycle. The good news is the cycle can be broken with four to five weeks of antidepressant use.

For those who dont want prescriptive medication, there is an herbal antidepressant called St. Johns Wort you can purchase over the counter. Please be aware, however, that it is not FDA approved. Its effectiveness varies, and it can interfere with a variety of other drugs you might be taking. The best way to take this step is under the supervision of a doctor.

Exercise (but not the way you think)

Finally, you probably know a proper diet and physical exercise can build your resistance to sickness and disease. But what you might not know is there is such a thing as mental exercise, which can increase your resistance to depression, self-doubt and discouragement.

Mental wellness workouts are exercises and activities that have been scientifically proven to boost your mental health by giving you more confidence, creativity and energy. They might not make you sweat like traditional workouts, but if you actually do the work (as opposed to merely considering it), you will find many of them just as taxing.

Heres an example: every day for two weeks, recall and physically write down three good things that have happened to you. This might seem silly at first, but research has shown that within 15 days of doing this exercise, severely depressed individuals experience improvement, their depression becoming moderate or even mild. And 94 percent experience relief.

When used together, these concepts work. Perhaps youve been afraid that if therapy works for you, youre going to be stuck visiting a therapist forever. You might also be worried that if you start medication, youll be relying on putting a foreign substance into your body forever. But thats not necessarily true. If youre willing to make your mental health a daily priority, its possible to learn the skills you need to feel good consistently.

Your genetics may have determined who you are, but they don't have to decide who you'll become.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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