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How to talk to kids about terrorism and other hard-to-explain acts
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In a world where kids can't always be sheltered from images of terrorism, like the murders in Paris, parents face the daunting task of explaining what happened in ways that won't traumatize the children. - photo by Lois M Collins
The cartoon of the Eiffel Tower is crying and holding hands with children in a book put out by a children's book publisher in the wake of the murderous terrorist attacks on Paris last week, according to NPR, which also said the minister of education in France has encouraged teachers to be calm and sure in front of students.

It's a tricky thing, talking to children about terror without creating it. Recent events have again raised the issue, which parents have long faced as violence impacts different communities. But it's a conversation going on around the world right now.

Advice provided to Business Insider Australia by child psychologist Kimberley OBrien from the Quirky Kid Clinic includes limiting media exposure, making sure kids feel safe, not going into too much detail and sticking to routines. She also notes that when parents whisper to each other about things, kids are more likely to eavesdrop.

The conversation has been evolving for some time.

As a new article in The Guardian notes, "In 2013, teachers helped students understand the Boston marathon bombing, for example. And in the past year, Americas racial divisions, racial violence and police brutality have all come to the fore. Its critical that schools make time for these kinds of conversations not only on the days after something terrible happens and not only for 15 isolated minutes at the beginning of class, said Karen Murphy, international director for Facing History and Ourselves, an organization that trains history teachers.

The article said that "its also important that teachers get the training and practice that they need to create a safe environment for discussions about difficult subjects, she said.

We know that kids are coming to the classrooms with things happening, either immediately in their communities or internationally, that are troubling and destabilizing. Schools are and should be places to grapple with these things, Murphy said. Kids really need this space to wrestle with the issues that are right there on their doorstep, almost no matter where they live and their teachers do too.

When such an event happens in a place that had been viewed as safe, kids no longer see it as safe, Cathy Paine, then-chairwoman of the National Emergency Assistance Team within the National Association of School Psychologists and herself a veteran of a traumatic shooting, said back in 2012 following the mass shooting of moviegoers at a theater in Aurora, Colorado.

Such events naturally scare children and adults, too, she said, though they have to manage their fear to help their children. Attacks can make children fearful of the type of place where they occur. "It is really hard to understand senseless violence, where there doesnt seem to be any reason that rational people would understand," Paine said. "And you have to say that to children.

NPR talked to a sixth-grade art teacher in the south of France, Djemaa Benamor, who said the killing in Paris impacted the entire country. She has responded with an art project to let the children express their emotions.

"Many students are confusing this with religion and it's important to establish that this has nothing to do with that," Benamor said. "These are fanatics. There is no religious text that says go kill innocent people at a caf."

The National Institute for Trauma and Loss in Children trains professionals to deal with trauma in children. Clinical director Caelan Kuban Soma told The Detroit News that the most important thing is assuring children that they are safe.

And its important for them to know that the likelihood of something like that happening anywhere is very, very rare, Soma said, although things like that do happen. The hardest question to respond to is, Why would somebody do that? Theres really not one correct answer; it depends on what the parents want to say and what their religious and cultural beliefs are. One thing to tell them is, Something was very, very, very use lots of verys wrong with their mind, and they did something that was very, very unkind.

In a column for the Indianapolis Star, the Rev. Nathan Day Wilson, a senior minister of the First Christian Church in Shelbyville, said it's important to ask children what they know and listen carefully to their response. He also emphasizes using age-appropriate language and keeping the conversation framed in that context, as well.

He cautions against stereotyping "by race, religion or nationality at any time but especially not in times of heightened concern. It is better to tell children that you don't understand why some people do these things than to stereotype large groups of people."
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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