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How to handle the finances of a 'boomerang' child
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Lea Rifkin is a 28-year-old master's degree candidate. There's nothing unusual about that except when classes are done for the day, she goes back home to the same Florida home where her parents also happen to live.

Her mother, Julie Auslander, allowed that the adjustment has been "tough." But, overall, things have gone smoothly in the two years Rifkin has lived at home to reduce her student loan obligation.

"It's important to look at your relationship challenges from the teen years and make sure to be clear about your needs and parameters," Auslander said.

Young adults are moving back with their parents at unprecedented levels. And, among the issues that sort of arrangement can raise, the inevitable question of money is bound to crop up be it about rent, food or other financial elements of living under the same roof. And among those elements is knowing the primary reason children boomerang back home is to get their financial homes in order.

The circumstances surrounding the return of an adult child to the empty nester home are important to keep in mind, cautioned Dr. Richard Horowitz, author of "Family Centered Parenting.

Join the club

In its own way, adult children moving back with their parents may be the new normal. The Census Bureau reported in 2014 a record amount 15 percent of millennials (ages 25-34) were living with their parents. By contrast, in 1980, less than 10 percent of people in the same age bracket called mom and dads house home.

Rising student debt levels have been pinpointed as one primary driver of millennials moving back home. A 2014 study by the Federal Reserve suggested that as much as 30 percent of millennials returning to live with their parents could be attributed to skyrocketing student debt. Estimates hold that the average college student who graduated in 2015 did so with more than $35,000 in student debt.

Add to the ongoing challenge of finding a postcollege job that pays a sufficient living wage, noted Christina Newberry, founder of AdultChildrenLivingatHome.com, a website geared to helping parents and grown children cohabitate more successfully.

Compared to 10 years ago or more, its just harder to come out of college and have a career that can support you, she said.

But not all factors are necessarily negative. Newberry suggested relationships between parents and children have changed and have drifted away from the traditional authoritarian my house, my rules arrangement.

Ten years ago, moving back with your parents meant having to live under all sorts of rules again, said Newberry. Parents are more like friends with their children than they used to be.

Set the ground rules

However more equitable parent/child relationships may have become, experts agree it's essential to establish clear financial guidelines before they move back in. Begin with a budget that estimates overall monthly living expenses with a grown child back in the mix.

Consider, too, the primary reason for the return home, added Horowitz.

Do the parents feel their child has done everything possible to avoid returning or do they harbor suspicions that their son or daughter is taking the easy way out by coming home? he said. If it is the latter, then this issue must be dealt with as a discussion starter.

That segues to the inevitable question of whether to charge rent.

If he has an unpaid internship and is working on building a resume for a good job to follow, then the answer is no, because rent would only slow down the ability for your child to move out, said Linda Perlman Gordon, co-author of Mom, Can I Move Back In With You? If you find yourself with a child who sleeps in, hangs out on the sofa watching Netflix or playing video games, the answer is a resounding yes.

Even a modest amount of cash paid to parents every month carries a benefit beyond the merely financial, Newberry added.

Adults have financial responsibilities, so its important to maintain them even if your child is living at home, she said. Its good for their self-esteem.

If an adult child has no income, dont be hesitant to consider other ways to contribute to the household. Chores and other help around the house can be used in lieu of cash payments.

Write up a contract

No matter the specifics of the arrangement, draw up a written contract covering every possible issue of living at home. In addition to rent, food and other obligations, consider including:

  • How much is moving back home? Moving into a home with a household full of items could cause needless strain and stress," said Jonathan Deesing of imove.com, a moving resource website. "Part of the renters agreement should include how much space they have available for their stuff temporary storage units are much cheaper than finding a new home.
  • Set financial limits. No parent wants to deprive a son or daughter of necessities, but dont make the stay at home a carte blanche deal: Dont alter your retirement plans or decision to downsize in order to subsidize your child, Gordon said.
  • Set a timeline. Pinpoint time-based benchmarks that can keep a child focused on eventually moving back out on his or her own. These can include finding a suitable job, reaching a certain savings level or other reasonable goals that are allotted a sensible amount of time.
Timelines, financial obligations and other aspects of living under the same roof have consequences. A missed payment, a poor job market and other missteps can lead to ongoing arguments or, even worse, a sudden demand that a son or daughter move out immediately.

That, said Newberry, makes ongoing communication essential to track certain goals and spot unanticipated problems in a calm manner.

Everyone knows that this is likely a situation thats not going to last forever, so its essential to be really clear about everyones expectations, she said. Its important to talk about things in advance; if something isnt happening according to schedule, why not? Its less likely that things will come to a tipping point if everyone continues to communicate.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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