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How I became the 'bestest' mom for a day
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I tried earning my 5-year-old son's respect with trips to the park, riding his bike, reading books and jaunts to the zoo, but nothing was as surprisingly effective as the most delightful 10 seconds of my life. - photo by Amy Choate-Nielsen
My 5-year-old is amazing.

Hes got a bit of a reputation for being a troublemaker, but I think he is extraordinary.

Hes a middle child, and he surprises me constantly. It started when he was a baby.

I just knew he would be the one to look most like me, even when his eyes were still cloudy blue like most babies. I loved letting his hair grow long and unruly, a thick, curly mess of shiny brown, like mine. His eyes are the same half-moon shape as mine, with a deep brownish-green that seems to reflect four colors at once.

As soon as he could, he showed me he was different from my daughter. He climbed things she never did. He broke things purposefully she never would. He belched, she sang. He was defiant, cuddly and protective of me in ways my daughter never showed.

When he was born, I heard somewhere that boys especially love their mothers and girls especially love their fathers, and I wondered if that would be true. I believed it when he came to me with those big brown eyes and asked how my day was or told me I was the bestest mom ever. He is so enthusiastic.

Then he got a little older, and I got a little madder when he broke things. It drove me a little crazier when he shouted and screamed for fun. And I felt a little sadder when he giggled with delight only when his dad walked in the door. I was the one that told him to stop burping so loudly all the time, as it is rude.

Somebody once told me the key to being a good parent is not in your ability to discipline, it is in your efforts to build a relationship of love to the extent that your children will obey out of their respect and desire to please you. If that is the case, I was failing.

If there is one thing I would like to take from my grandmothers, and their grandmothers, and their grandmothers, it is the lessons they learned while parenting and what worked well and what didnt. I always have the feeling in the back of my head that I should be doing something differently. I automatically assume what I am doing is probably wrong. And they were probably right.

I wonder what my grandmother Fleeta, who died before I was born, would say about my middle son. Would she flinch every time he ran through the room? Would she scowl when he covered himself in dirt? Would she say he is a troublemaker?

I like to think shed laugh and give him a handful of candy. I wish I did that more. Not the candy, so much, but the laughter. I wish I remembered more that hes not an anarchist; hes amazing.

Alas, I know candy isnt the answer. At times, I dont know what the answer is. I dont want to always be bribing, begging or yelling, and my efforts to engender his respect didnt seem to work.

We went to the zoo, we read books together, we colored, we rode bikes, but every time, as soon as I said no to something, all of my hard-earned goodwill evaporated. We were back to square one.

Then, I had a breakthrough.

One day, as I was showering my kids before bed, my son let out the loudest, longest burp he ever had. He really has quite a flair for belching, and its not a talent he learned from his dad.

He inherited that skill from me.

So this time, instead of responding with my usual tsk, tsk, dont be rude, I opened my mouth and sent forth a sound that reverberated off of the four walls of my shower with an intensity that shook my ear drums and rumbled the floor for at least 10 seconds. By the time I was finished, my son was staring up at me speechless, his eyes as big as eggs, his mouth dropped in shock. He held the shock for a beat or two, then curled those eyes into my favorite half-moons and a slow grin crept up his face as a laugh erupted from deep in his belly. He hooted and squealed, he thought it was the funniest thing hed ever heard, and suddenly I realized, this is what it feels like to be respected by a 5-year-old.

Later that night, as he went to bed, he said to me, Mom, remember that time I laughed so hard in the shower? with the smile still lingering in his eyes and a tired chuckle.

Those are my favorite moments, the ones Id tell my grandkids about if I remember. Those are the moments that remind me that boy is amazing. Extraordinary.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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