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Hey, men. Time to step up!
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Men, you haven't been pulling your weight. Here are two of the most common (but unknown) ways you've been dropping the ball. - photo by Aaron Anderson
You've probably heard by now that approximately 1/3 of homes were father-absent homes, according the U.S. Census Bureau in 2010. And approximately 40% of children born in the U.S. were born to single mothers. You've probably even heard the term "fatherless America" used a time or two.

The reason that this issue is being stressed now more than ever is that research is showing a father's involvement is critically important. It's showing that children with absent fathers are at higher risk for drug and alcohol abuse, lower academic achievement and more likely to become incarcerated - just to name a few.

But you're a good dad. You're home with your children and you even go to their sports events sometimes. So while you may be reading this thinking to yourself that you don't have to worry, there are some things you're doing that you might want to talk a look at again. These are things all men need to know in order to be a better husband, father, and man.

If You're Not a Good Spouse, You're Not Being a Good Parent

Your children look to you as an example of what a relationship looks like. Even though you may think you're hiding your marital problems from your kids, the truth is, they're smart - you've said so yourself.

They notice things when you didn't know they were looking. You need to set a good example to them of how a man acts in a marriage by treating their mother that way. I don't mean the typical 'take her on a date' stuff. I mean the stuff you want your daughter's future husband to do for her: dress up nice when you go out together because she's important to you. And don't be afraid to have your allrecipes.com app on your Kindle to remind you when to stir the bisque because it's her favorite dinner.

One of the most important ways you can be a good spouse is knowing the ways you fall short. By simply acknowledging the ways you fall short is a great example to your children of how to take ownership in a marriage.

Being the typical 'Father Knows Best' male and pretending you're perfect gives your children the perception that this type of masculinity and (over) confidence is good. They will go on to emulate that in their marriage without knowing any different.

Being a Good Dad is More than Just Providing a Paycheck

Of course you love your kids. The roof over their head and the food on their table proves it.

But be honest with yourself.

Even if you didn't have kids you'd still work to provide for a roof and to have food. There's nothing extra-special you're doing for them that you wouldn't do for yourself.

You have to show your children that you're more than just a provider. You have to show them that you're actually invested in them. I know it's cliche' but it's true: children feel loved through your time. Walk home from school with them, put down your laptop and read a book with them, or go on their elementary school field trip to the zoo with them. The ways to spend time with them is endless, and the rewards pay more than just dividends.

It's Tough Being a Dad - But Nothing's More Rewarding

Now more than ever mens roles have changed. Ward Cleaver is now recognized as being too traditional, but Homer Simpson is too much of a screw up. Somewhere between the two is where you're supposed to be.

Without clearer guidelines it can seem like the expectations are too ambiguous and you are set you up to fail. In reality, with guidelines so broad, the sky is the limit. It's your turn to read a parenting book, and find out how to be the best husband and father you can be.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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