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Giving experiences instead of more stuff this Christmas
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Gifts like this portable fort-making kit help kids be creative while helping families make memories together. - photo by Erin Stewart
Weve all heard the mantra: Give experiences, not more stuff at Christmas.

This is fine advice, except the people who generally dole out such sage wisdom are also those who can afford to give experiences like going to Disney World on Christmas Day or on a Caribbean cruise to ring in the New Year.

For most of us, lavish experiences like that are simply not in the budget, and so we turn to the much more affordable and practical option of toys.

But Ive come to realize over the last few Christmases that experiences dont have to mean pricey excursions or mind-blowing vacations. Experiences can be as simple as thinking about gifts that allow your child to do, learn or be something instead of just another toy that will get used up, played out and forgotten.

In our house, Santa always brings just-for-fun toys like this. We can count on him to bring the big, wow-factor, totally impractical gifts and ridiculous stocking stuffers. But as parents, we work hard to limit ourselves to two gifts per child:

1. An experience. This is something our kids can do. Last year, this gift was an art set, complete with Dads promise to teach the girls how to watercolor throughout the year. One year, it was a ski trip. This year, one of my kids who loves rocks and science will get a kit to crack open her own geodes. And all my kids will be getting a Tote-a-Fort, a new product that encourages kids to get creative in their fort building without using all my clean sheets and heavy books as anchors. Win-win!

2. An interest. This is something our kids have shown a skill or interest in this year. One daughter, for example, loves to solve brain teasers, so shell be getting a few mind-bending puzzles.

No one in our house will be getting any expensive trips this year, but all the gifts we give tell our kids two important things: We notice you and your interests, and we want to spend time with you. The key to these experience gifts is you cant just chuck it at your kid on Christmas morning and then go drink your eggnog. The whole point is to use the gifts as a springboard to creating memories together. The real gift is the time spent bonding over a shared experience. You better believe Im going to be out there busting open some of those geodes on Christmas Day, and I hate to brag, but my fort-building skills are somewhat legendary.

Thinking of these experience-focused gifts is definitely not as easy as buying the new hot toy at the store, but here are some ideas to get started if youre hoping for something a little deeper than stuff under the tree this year:

1. Memberships: Give the gift of a year of dinosaurs, science, planetariums and childrens museums. For adults, think about a membership to a grocery home delivery company, a spa or even a magazine.

2. Smaller experiences: Take the kids to the bowling alley, the skating rink or a make-your-own pottery class. You can even achieve that Christmas morning wow-factor by having a clue under the tree like a new tent for a camping trip, a new bat for the batting cage or a snowman stuffed animal for a sledding day.

3. Lessons: Sign your child (or any loved one) up for art, ballet, music or horseback riding lessons.

4. Books: What better experience to give a kid than the chance to read and fall in love with places and people in their imaginations.

5. Season tickets: Think orchestra, theater, sporting events.

6. Toys that encourage creativity: The fact is, kids want something wrapped under the tree on Christmas morning. But if you know where to look, you can find toys that are fun and foster creativity/experiences. These can be science kits, coding toys, art sets, craft kits or any other product that encourages your child to make, do, think, create and be engaged.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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