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For the daddy-to-be of twins
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Here are some questions that may be on the minds of fathers expecting twins -- I asked my husband to give his input in hopes that some of their thoughts would be addressed. - photo by Alicia Walters
As women, we know the importance of having a good support system when we are expecting and raising our children. But oftentimes, fathers are expected to provide, help their wives and children and do it all without really having time to get together with other dads and share their thoughts. I wrote up some questions that may be on the minds of fathers who just found out they are expecting twins, and asked my husband to give his input in hopes that some of their thoughts would be addressed.

What were some of your thoughts and feelings when you found out I was expecting twins?

I thought it was exciting! I thought about the possibility of having two young ones at the same time who would grow up together and be great friends.

How did you manage the two older children and your busy work and home schedule while I was on bed rest for 14 weeks?

I remember we tried to mix up our usual routine to accommodate for the fact that you were on strict bed rest; I would try to bathe the kids at night if needed. Attending church meetings was hard because for the first time in my life, I had two young children by myself at church for two months. Fortunately we had lots of good neighbors, friends and members of our church group who saved the day in that aspect, because I dont think I could have fulfilled all of my responsibilities without some help.

Do you think having extra responsibilities with my being on bed rest helped prepare you for juggling four young kids?

I think I did a lot more dishes and housework than I normally have to. So that was kind of hard just to find time to get everything done and still take care of you and the kids. But at the same time, I feel like where it was challenging then, I was able to get through it and it was evidence to me that I was ready for a new chapter of personal growth in my life.

How has having the twins contributed to your well-being and happiness?

Its neat to see that they both have a unique personality even though they have identical DNA from birth. I like to watch them play as buddies and I like to think that they will each have a friend forever. Ive certainly been less selfless in the last 18 months; you have very little opportunity to spend time on your personal interests. And I like that its pushed me to the next tier in terms of being willing to think outside myself and serve others.

So, would you say that having twins has been a good thing?

Absolutely. I think its a calling in life to have twins. The learning curve is very steep, especially at first and it is so wonderful when family and friends will step in and help. There has been much need for me to exercise more patience but there has also been many days where I have noticed an increased level of joy in my life just because we have the twins. I have felt an increase of joy in our family with each child, but when we had the twins, it was double the increase.

What is fun about having twins?

I like to see peoples reactions out in public when we have both of them in the stroller together dressed similarly. I remember when I had to go get their blood tested within the first week of their birth; I got a lot of stares when I first walked in the doors. People who dont even know us want to know about the twins, if they are similar or different in personality and people have an added interest. It is fun to see how interested people are in the twins when we are out and about.

How has having twins strengthened our relationship?

We are definitely more dependent on one another to help each other. Its virtually impossible to do everything on our own so we do it together. I think we can look back and think it was a real blessing that one birth created two individuals and its been fun to watch them grow together with you. Im grateful you are their mother.

What advice do you have for fathers who just found out their wives are expecting twins?

Enjoy your sleep while you can get it, because if its anything like Ive experienced, those days are going to be gone very soon. One of the things that helped me during those sleepless nights was I put a playlist on my iPod of songs that I enjoy and inspire me; so as I was up in the early mornings feeding the twins, I would listen to that playlist and the lack of sleep didnt seem to bother me as much.

(Thank you Brandon.)
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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