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Do working mothers raise more successful daughters?
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Even if daughters of working mothers do make more money, does that equate to a more successful life? - photo by Erin Stewart
I try not to fuel the Whos Doing Motherhood Better? debate that often rages between stay-at-home moms and working moms. For the most part, I believe all moms are giving motherhood every last ounce of love and energy they can and are doing what is best for their family in the moment.

But, I hate when I see headlines like this one that popped up on my Facebook newsfeed this week: Harvard researchers find working mothers have more successful daughters and conscientious sons.

Of course, I had to stop and read the article because that seemed like a pretty bold and groundbreaking statement. Working moms have more successful daughters? Maybe I should go back to work immediately! Ive done it all wrong!

But as I read, I realized quickly that this was once again a headline that didn't quite reflect what the article was about.

Heres what the study actually said: The daughters of working mothers in a research group were more likely to work themselves, earned 23 percent more than children of stay-at-home mothers and were more likely to have supervisory roles. The sons of working mothers were more likely to help with childcare at home.

So, more successful here is defined by this article as earning more money. I looked around to see how other media outlets had explained the study, which came out this summer.

Here are some of the descriptions I found:

Children of working moms grow up to be better adults, according to a new Harvard study. (New York Daily News)

Kids of working moms are better off. (CNN)

Harvard Study Finds Working Moms Have More Caring and Successful Children (Mic.com)

Talk about pushing an agenda.

I think the reason these headlines bothered me so much was that they took a fact daughters of working mothers earned more money and made assumptions that making more money equals success. It seems fairly obvious to me that girls raised by working mothers would be more likely to work outside the home.

But that doesnt mean those women are more successful or better off or better adults. What does being a better adult mean anyway? Is there some sort of award being given out for Best Adult? Am I disqualified because I spend a good portion of my day playing in forts and eating chicken nuggets? If anyone knows the rules of this ultra-selective better adult competition, please let me know. Id definitely be interested because there are days when I am super adulty and do things like go to the bank or use words like escrow and term life insurance. I could totally be a contender.

Seriously though, to these media outlets, being a successful adult boils down to making more money. Period.

And while that may be the highest priority for many people, it was not the top factor I considered when I thought about whether being a stay-at-home mother would make my children happier or more successful in life.

I considered things like who would be teaching them values? What would our relationship be like? Can we afford for me to stay home? Would I feel good about myself as a mother? What is my priority right now? Do I want to be the one helping them be successful children now so they can be successful adults later?

The only difference was that my definition of successful had nothing to do with money.

I imagine I will consider my daughters successful when they:

1. Are living the life they want to live.

2. Feel proud and comfortable in their own skin.

3. Are making a positive difference in the world (on a global or crib-side scale).

4. Realize what an amazing mother I was and worship me for it. (What? Too far?)

If my daughters grow up to be full-time working women with powerful careers, Ill be their biggest supporter. If they choose to stay at home to raise their children, Ill be their biggest supporter. I will support them in whatever avenue makes them happy and makes their lives feel successful however they want to define that success.

I guess thats why generalized labels like these headlines irk me so much. We all make the decisions we think are best for our families, and our kids are going to be just fine. You pursue your idea of success and Ill pursue mine, but lets not waste our time arguing over who is winning at motherhood.

As for me, I may not make buckets of money, but thats OK. I love my family. I love the work I am able to do from home. All in all, Id say my life is a raving success and I dont even need 23 percent more money to prove it.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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