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Dear children, it's never too late to change the world
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Amy Choate-Nielsen writes that she hopes to change the world by teaching her children to care. - photo by Amy Choate-Nielsen
When I was 20 years old, I decided that my calling in life was to change the world, somehow, some way.

I wasnt sure how I would do that until I took an international relations class at Brigham Young University. To this day, I remember sitting in a forum with refugees from around the world, hearing about the atrocities that occurred during their lives. My substantial compassion did not feel like enough to aid their plight, and I felt powerless to actually make a difference anywhere.

It was then that I realized the greatest difference I could make in the world might be through my children. I wasnt married and I didnt have kids, but I started thinking about how I would raise my children to respect their fellow human beings, stand up for injustice, care for the environment and add love to the universe. I thought about taking my future children on long hikes, stopping to eat granola and discussing the poetry of Maya Angelou while communing with nature.

Then life happened. We take hikes, but I hear more of complaining than communing, and I have yet to review Phenomenal Woman with my 8-year-old daughter.

Sometimes, I wonder what kind of people they will turn out to be.

More than ever, I feel compelled to teach them that yes means yes and no means no, that skin color and birthplace dont determine whos a good person, and that kindness precludes judgment and derision against those who walk a different path in life.

I asked my 5-year-old son a silly question to see what messages he was picking up on.

Who is stronger, boys or girls? I asked him.

Boys, mom, he said. Of course. Im so strong.

Then he repeated the question to me. Who did I think was stronger?

It depends, I said. Boys and girls have different strengths. Sometimes women can do things men cant, and sometimes it's the other way around.

Like what? he asked.

Like having babies, I said. I had you.

But having babies is easy! he exclaimed.

I laughed his comment off what did I expect? Hes 5 years old. And judging his future character based on such a question was an act of futility. Still, I kept thinking, what kind of man will he be? I have such hopes and dreams for him; its dangerous and I know it.

As a woman, I look around and I see plenty of examples of men who treat women with respect, and plenty of men who dont. I want him to be the kind of man who builds women up and doesnt tear them down.

My grandfather Irvan was that kind of man, I have been told. In 1966, when my grandmother Fleeta, who died before I was born, received her masters degree, she credited her husband, Irvan, for driving her to school every day, helping her stay committed and supporting her through her goals.

Irvan could have thought it was silly for a woman with two children and a job working as a nurse for the military to get a higher degree. And I dont know if they ever argued over her choice to go to school, the money it cost or the time it took her away from the family, but either way, in the end, his actions were those of a man who loved and respected his wife enough to help her achieve her dreams.

I wish I could have met Irvan, and I wish my sons could have met their great-grandfather. To me, his contribution to the women in our family is worth acknowledging by today's standards, but all the more so considering the time he lived. I hope my children have that foresight in their DNA.

I take back what I said about hoping my children change the world. All I really want is for them to care.

What happens next is up to them.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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