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Christmas letters are family history records for the future
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I always regret not mailing out my own Christmas card. It's the perfect time to share your thoughts and feelings with generations to come. If I sent a Christmas card to anyone this year, this is what it would say. - photo by Amy Choate-Nielsen
A Christmas card, 2016.

Dear posterity, friends and family:

I am legitimately looking older this year. My daughter asked me today why I have so much white in my hair, and I told her its from all of my kids yelling at me. That doesnt explain why Ive got spots appearing on my face and lines around my mouth and dark circles under my eyes, but thats part of growing up.

In 2016, we all grew up a little more.

These days are filled with ups and downs that can change in the flash of an eye, as quickly as my children have grown in height, humor and attention spans. Today, before my daughter asked me about my white hair, my 5-year-old son joined me on the driveway as I shoveled snow. It was hard and heavy, and as he walked around on top of it, it got more and more compacted.

Dont walk on the snow, buddy, it makes it harder for me to shovel, I told him.

OK, he said. Then, he moved to another spot on the driveway and walked on the snow some more.

In 2016, this boy graduated from preschool and started kindergarten.

He knows the first and last names of all of the children in his class, and he makes a point of being a genuinely charismatic little guy who can sound out words and color the most profound stick figures you ever did see. He joined a T-ball team, scored at least 10 goals in soccer and learned how much he loves to win. In 2016, he cried when he lost and got mad when I tried to help, and tying his own shoes frustrated him to no end. He has grown so much this year.

The little one that follows him around has grown up too. The youngest in the family, baby brother to all, used to wander into my room every night at about 2 a.m. and sleep on the floor because he couldnt stand to sleep alone in his own room. He was worried about the spider that he saw walk across the floor once. I killed the spider in front of his own eyes but still, he just cant shake the terror. His room is forever tainted with the ghost of that spider, and it haunts him in the darkness.

When we let him sleep in the same room as his siblings, he stopped waking up and walking to my room. In 2016, he grew to have a sense of comfort and trust from being around his brother and sister. Sometimes they still scratch each others faces from eye to ear, and sometimes they shove each others heads into the floor, but at the end of the day, they want to be together. They show concern for each other, and they hate to see their brother or sister be sad.

In 2016, they shared their Halloween candy with each other just to be kind.

As quickly as days can change from up to down, another day begins another month, another year. After a night of camping in bear country this summer, we began our day with my daughter declaring, Were still alive. I think were going to make it.

In 2016, my children appreciated being alive.

I really prepared for that camping trip. In 2016, our family started camping again, and I was a little rusty. We made foil dinners on our first night, ground beef, sliced potatoes, onions, carrots and cream of chicken soup all folded up and thrown on the fire. Rookie mistake. The flames charred the bottoms beyond edibility. My daughter said it was a total failure.

But she is not. She, my eldest, turned 8 and moved into her own room. She is sensitive and kind, funny and quirky and dramatic. In 2016, she started vacuuming the house every Saturday, and she complains about it every minute. She stopped playing soccer and started singing in a choir, and she can go from standing to a backbend just by reaching her arms over her head and folding her body in half. In 2016, she started playing the piano and loving to read. She is a wonder to behold a joy, and a source of many white hairs.

As quickly as time can flash by, bad times become good. Tonight as I shoveled the snow, I yelled at my son for making it harder for me, and he sulked up the driveway into the garage. I figured he was mad, but he wasnt.

He was looking for a shovel.

In 2016, my 5-year-old joined me on the driveway, digging into the ice and snow. He grunted with each scoop, straining under the weight, giving his all to help me. In 2016, my Christmas wish came true.

We learned to work together.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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