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9 ways to do better than Disney at teaching your kids about poverty
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A new study found that the top children's movies sanitize poverty and inequality. Here's now to fill the gap and talk to your kids about what poverty is really like. - photo by Allison Pond
The happily-ever-after endings of Disney movies may matter more than we thought.

A recent study from Duke University looked at the highest-grossing childrens movies and determined that they sanitize poverty and inequality by making them seem like no big deal.

Think dwarves happy to labor in the mines, cheery chimney sweeps, and a host of other poor and working-class characters who never worry about food, shelter, employment or health care.

Childrens films may also contain a subtext about social mobility, according to the study: virtuous, hardworking characters tend to be upwardly mobile, while evil characters take a fall and end up a couple rungs down the socio-economic ladder by the end of the movie.

How class is represented in childrens movies matters, said Jessi Streib, lead author of the Duke study, because if kids believe that simply working hard ensures success, they could blame themselves or others who dont achieve certain things in life and assume they are lazy.

It can end up being a viewpoint that doesnt allow for a lot of empathy or for understanding how social class actually works, she said.

Teaching kids about heavy topics like poverty and inequality can be tricky because they are complex and there may be competing values at play. Its important for parents to be clear about what they want their children to learn, and to get kids involved in service and giving from an early age, said Susan Linn, lecturer in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and author of "The Case for Make-believe: Saving Play in a Commercialized World.

Parents dont often talk with their children often about class, Streib said, but pretty young kids know a lot about social class and equality, and theyve already internalized stereotypes about different classes and ideas about the American Dream by the time theyre about 12.

A royal affair

Parents think about how gender is portrayed, particularly in Disney movies, Streib said. But I dont think they pay as much attention to how class is portrayed, and that could be another conversation starter for parents.

Streib said she knew kings, queens, princes and princesses would be a big part of the movies she watched for the study, but she was surprised at the extent to which upper-class characters were overrepresented.

Most villains began as members of the upper class or upper-middle class, but ended up poor or died, she said, while heroes all had upward mobility.

One of the most striking moments for her was in the movie Aladdin when Aladdin, a street rat, and Jasmine, a princess, compare stories about how hard their respective lives are.

Theyre portrayed as equal (struggles) when I think its a hard thing to see as an equal struggle in reality, Streib said.

She doesnt think the messages are necessarily intentional.

As a country we dont do a lot of thinking about class, yet at the same time we have these big ideas like the American dream that almost everybody believes in to some degree. That can very easily unconsciously surface in movies, she said.

Happily never after

If Streib could write the ideal script for a childrens movie, she would focus on the environment of each of the characters and how it affected the choices available to them, she said.

I would focus on good characters from each class, people who are working hard, who are moral and trying to do their best, but have that pay off more for characters in some classes than others, she said.

It would probably make a bad kids movie. It wouldnt have a happy ending.

That may be OK, according to Michelle Janning, professor of sociology at Whitman College and chair of the Council on Contemporary Families.

We damage children by only exposing them to happy endings. Thats not how life works, whether youre financially stable as an adult or not. Failure is part of everybodys life experience, she said.

She noted that many stories for children dont end well.

If you look at fairy tales from Hans Christian Anderson and the Brothers Grimm, they have terribly sad endings. Thats just part of childhood (and) growing up.

Janning also questioned the black-vs.-white, good-vs.-evil framework of many childrens films.

Why is it that movies are always about overcoming something bad so you can be good? There are lots of (childrens) movies in all sorts of other places around the world where there are no antagonists, there are no bad guys, its just a story about exploration and childhood, she said.

Janning argues that instead of treating children as vulnerable innocents who need to be protected from lifes harsh truths including how difficult poverty is adults should trust kids to participate in the conversation.

Kids can handle it. They can handle a lot of it. They are often very important and sound voices when it comes to complex topics because they see it from (a different perspective) and sometimes they can cut to the chase, she said.

Including them helps us understand the issues we think are complex.

A spoonful of sugar

Children learn values in several ways, including how their parents treat them and others and what they observe happening around them including in the media they consume, Linn said.

The Duke study noted that a third of children watch a movie every day, and many children watch the same movies repeatedly.

Linn gave some tips for talking to kids about wealth, poverty and inequality.

1. Know your own values. (Its) important for parents who are concerned about passing on their values to first of all really know what your values are, consciously, and then from a very early age talk with children about your values as you encounter them in life including in movies, Linn said.

2. Start young and start with feelings. Its never too early to start having conversations about what kids are seeing, Linn said. She suggests starting with feelings rather than complex ideas, using phrases like Its sad or It makes me angry that people dont have enough food.

3. Look for the helpers. Its OK if kids are a little upset, Linn said. Whats important is to acknowledge their feelings and point out people who are trying to do something about the problem. She mentioned story told by the famous childrens actor Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.

He came in one day and saw his grandson watching some horrible disaster on TV, and he told him to look for the helpers, she said. That was brilliant a way of helping kids feel not helpless, and also a model that there are people doing things about it.

4. Ask questions. Parents can also keep things age-appropriate by asking questions to gauge where kids are.

If a child asks you about something that you feel is dicey or uncomfortable, ask them what they know already about it. I wonder why youre asking me; Im going to talk with you about this, but it would help me to know what you already know about it, she said.

5. Use regular dinnertime conversations to bring up tricky topics. Family meals are a good time for talking because children overhear adult conversations, (and you can) engage your children in the conversation. What you really want is to establish a relationship from the beginning where they can ask you about anything, Linn said.

6. Involve kids early in life in charitable giving. Talking about poverty is only part of teaching about it, Linn said. She suggested visiting food pantries or homeless shelters with children to serve a meal. She established a tradition with her own family of shopping and donating a Thanksgiving meal each year.

7. Expose children to different kinds of people. Linn said its important to take kids out into the world whatever your world is and talk about what you see.

If youre anywhere in a city, take the bus with them, or a train or the trolley, because youll encounter all kinds of people in all kinds of different situations, she said. Little kids like doing that, they like changing trains and going on a bus, and you can make it an adventure.

8. Use books to start conversations. Linn suggested Pretty Old by Eleanor Estes for a compassionate look at poverty through the eyes of children who have a classmate who doesnt dress well, as well as a series called All of a Kind Family about a family growing up in New York without much money.

9. Recognize competing values. When it comes to the American Dream, Linn said different parents may prioritize teaching different things.

A 2014 New York Times poll found that 64 percent of Americans percent believe in the American dream that anyone can work hard and become rich.

Other data show reality can be much different. People born into lower-income families are far less likely to make it to the top, even those who are smart and hardworking, according to Richard Reeves at the Brookings Institution.

Linn said she would talk to her own kids about fairness, and about how life sometimes isnt fair. Thats a conversation that gets more complicated over time, she said.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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