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9 things holding you back from finding 'the one'
Are you anxious to find true love? Then, stop doing these 9 things. - photo by Amberly Lambertsen
Weve all been there, or will be there, at some point in time; anxious to find true love and start a life together. It doesnt matter how old you are, or how long youve been playing the dating game. When you feel like you are ready to settle down, nothing is more frustrating than feeling like youll never find the one.

Well all find our special someone in time, but there are things that you do that could be holding you back from finding the one.

Are you doing any of these 9 things?

1. You dont love yourself

Before you can fully love another person, and before someone else can fully love you, you must first love yourself.

Focus on developing your talents, turn your weaknesses into strengths, and make a list of all of your best qualities. Write an affirmation statement for yourself and put it somewhere that you will see it daily.

2. You dont go on dates

Hanging out with groups of people, or hanging out one on one, can be less intimidating and feel less committed than going on a date, but it doesnt get you any closer to finding the one.

Accept invitations to go out on dates, ask someone out on a date, or turn your usual hangouts into something more formal. Planned, paid for and paired off- thats what makes a date (although they all dont have to cost money).

3. Your expectations are too high

Do you have a list of traits that you are looking for in your future spouse?

Theres nothing wrong with having expectations, but youll have a hard time finding that perfect person if your list is too specific. No individual is perfect, and the one who is perfect for you might not be anything like you imagined. They will have qualities that you never knew you needed. Decide what your non-negotiable items are and be flexible with the rest.

4. You are too comfortable with your routine

You may want to find your forever significant other, but you must also be willing to change your routines in order to make your relationship work.

Being single and dating gives you a lot of freedom and independence to make decisions totally on your own. Once you are in a long-term, committed relationship, you are part of a team. Every decision you make after that point affects more than just you. While you can still have your freedom and independence, it wont be the same as when you were on your own. If you arent able to make adjustments to your norm, settling down will be more difficult to do.

5. You arent doing things for yourself

Dont plan your life around the possibility that you might meet your match tomorrow, next week, in two months or next year. Make plans, set goals, and live your dreams!

Plan a cruise with your closest friends for a year from now, go back to school for a second degree, or buy your first home. Delaying your own happiness and putting off the things that you really want to do in hopes that this week will be your week, or this year will be your year, will only make you more miserable and desperate to find the one.

6. Youre trying too hard

If finding that special someone is the only thing you can think about, or if you make every decision with that goal in mind, youre trying too hard. Relax, have some fun, and dont let the stress of being single get you down.

The grass is always greener on the other side, so instead of feeling like being married would be a lot more fulfilling than your life right now, find the good in being single, and enjoy every moment of it.

Being married is great, but once youre there, there will be things that you might be disappointed you didnt take the chance to do while you could.

7. You dont know who you are

In the movie, Runaway Bride, Julia Roberts character changes her preferences depending on who she is dating or engaged to at the time. One of the scenes at the climax of the storyline shows her taste testing eggs, cooked in every way possible, to figure out which one she really prefers.

Are your favorites really your favorites, or do they change depending on who youre with?

Do everything you can to find out who you really are and stay true to that person, no matter who you are with.

8. You arent willing to take risks

Get out of your comfort zone, meet new people, go on that blind date, or try a new dating website.

Be open to new things, new people, and new places. You might not find the one with every risk you take, but youll grow as an individual and learn new things about yourself!

9. You hold people at arms length

If you have a hard time being vulnerable with people or arent able to trust someone new, you will never be able to achieve that level of emotional intimacy that a long-term relationship needs. Take risks, trust people after youve had the chance to get to know them, and let them get to know a deeper side of you.

Don't give up hope that you'll ever find "the one"! For now, be the best version of yourself that you can be, and make a lot of memories. You'll always be glad that you enjoyed every moment of life, instead of waiting for someone special to walk into your life.
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