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7 crucial things to remember when dealing with the loss of a child
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The sun will come out tomorrow. - photo by Callie Hansen
Losing a child is perhaps the worst kind of pain parents can ever experience. For many parents, its an unfortunate reality that they will outlive their child. We all cope with loss and grief in our own way. If you are a parent who has had to say goodbye to your child far too soon, here are seven things you must remember in order to stay strong.

1. Give yourself time to grieve

Perhaps the most important thing you can do for yourself after the loss of your child is to give yourself time to grieve. It is not a sign of weakness by allowing yourself the time to cry and mourn over your child. It is absolutely necessary for you to do so.

Grieving will allow you to heal. Allow yourself time to go through the five stages of grief:

1) Denial

2) Anger

3) Bargaining

4) Depression

5) Acceptance

Do not deny yourself the ability to go through the healing process of grief. It will be difficult to endure, but once you reach the final stage you will be ready to accept your new reality. It will be hard, but life isnt easy. We must weather the storms and seek out the rainbow at the end.

2. Cling to your spouse

More than anyone else, cling to your spouse. You are both experiencing the same pain. Dont push your spouse away to grieve alone, you need each other. Grieve together. Your relationship will only come out stronger in the end because you will have endured this trial in patience together. Lean on and support each other; your spouse will be able to hold you up when you feel like you cant stand any longer.

3. Write down your feelings and memories

Preserve your memories of your child by writing them down. Youll be able to carry those memories with you. Theyll be in a tangible form where you can return to them whenever you need to. This way youll never forget those moments you had with your child.

Dont be afraid to not only write down your memories, but write down the feelings you are experiencing. It will be therapeutic for you to get it all down on paper so it isnt bottled up inside. Emotions can only be held back for so long. Allow yourself to feel the pain and loss. Writing your feelings down will only help you to overcome the suffering you are enduring to be able to live a full life.

4. Do not distance yourself

Its easy to shut yourself away from all the ones you love. Do not force yourself to endure your suffering alone. You are surrounded by people who love you, care about you and are concerned for you. They want to help you and provide you with anything you need in any way they can. Your family and friends are there to lend a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to your lamentations. Allow them in your life to help you.

5. The sun will come out tomorrow

In the powerful words from the popular musical, Annie, The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, therell be sun.

The earth hasnt stopped rotating, so while the night is dark and lonely, in just a few short hours the sun will rise in the east and bring light and happiness into your life. The sun will always come out tomorrow, so do not despair tomorrow is a new day.

6. Life is worth living

Though your child is gone, you still have a life that is worth living for. You have your spouse, your family and friends who all love you. There is still a life to live without your child. It will be painful to not see your child and their bright smiling face every day, but you have the rest of your family and friends there to support you. Life is full of surprises and has so many blessings in store for you if you are willing to seek them out. Do not let grief and pain hold you back from living the life you were destined to live.

7. You will see your child again

Your child may be gone from this life, but this does not mean you will never be able to see them again. One day you will. For now, your child is in heaven watching over and protecting you. Your child is your guardian angel, there to comfort you when you feel the most vulnerable. No matter what you may believe, your child isnt gone forever and you will be able to see them again.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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