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6 ways you are destroying your kids and making them terrible
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Every parent has done at least one of these things that make their kids horrible. - photo by Melinda Fox
There's a difference between raising well-behaved kids and raising moral kids. A well-behaved kid will follow the rules when someone is watching; a moral kid will follow the rules even when he is alone. Many parenting habits produce children who are well-behaved they'll stop crying in the aisles of the store or will do whatever they can to get a good grade but children need to become people with moral natures. The following lists things you may be doing that may have a positive effect on your kids' behavior, but not a positive effect on becoming a good person.

Rewarding

At the World Congress of Families IX, Tim Rarick told a story about a school with a goal of teaching its students about helping people in need. They decided to offer a reward of letting students out early if they raised a certain amount of money. While this seemed like a great idea, offering a reward made the activity ineffective at teaching the kids the value of helping others, as the goal became more about getting out early than about helping those in need. Rarick said, The more you reward kids for doing something, the more they lose interest in whatever they had to do to get the reward. If you constantly reward your kids, they will become self-interested in future situations, thinking, Whats in it for me? rather than being outwardly focused.

Punishing

Punishing kids can actually lead to more misbehavior. Professor of Professional Psychology, Michael Karson, did a study to test punishment's effects. He discovered that Punishment does not change the tendency to engage in the behavior that was punished. Instead, it makes the person want to avoid the source of punishment. As soon as the child thinks its not being watched (as soon as the situation seems different in some way), the tendency to engage in the behavior will reassert itself. Instead, help your child understand the natural consequences of her actions how did it harm others? How does it affect her long-term, etc. This will change the way she looks at misbehaving and increase her desire to make the right choice.

Disregarding story time

When I was 10 I loved my long hair. I dont know why I loved my hair exactly, because it was ratty and unruly and I definitely didnt like to brush it. But I was certainly attached to it. I learned about an organization that collects hair for kids who have lost theirs. In my heart, I wanted to donate my hair but it seemed impossible to part with. Then I read Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech. In the book the characters explore the question, In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter? This made me realize that cutting my hair was a small sacrifice that could matter a lot for someone else. All the things that I have vicariously experienced through imaginary characters in books and movies have built my own character. Stories are effective at teaching values because they allow people to explore right and wrong choices in settings we may not be in otherwise. Foster opportunities for your kids to develop morals through all types of stories. At the World Congress of Families IX, Christine Vollmer said, Aristotle was convinced the only effective way to teach children and young people was through stories. Not only was Aristotle a supporter of teaching through stories; Jesus Christ repeatedly used stories to teach morals.

Criticizing

It may seem helpful to point out areas where your kids could use improvement. But saying things like, "You aren't a hard-worker" or "You're a bad girl" makes them define themselves in terms of their weaknesses. Instead, express disappointment but belief in their potential. For example, instead of saying, "You never practice the piano like you should," say, "I'm disappointed that you choose not to practice the piano because I know you are good at things you work hard at."

Being immoral yourself

It's no secret that your kids are soaking up just about everything that you do. So it shouldn't be a surprise if your son starts being unkind to kids at school when he hears you talking negatively about your co-workers. This is probably the hardest way to foster your kid's morality because none of us are perfect people; we're still learning to be moral ourselves. However, it's important to be aware of what you are teaching your kids as you simply go about your day, and of the example you are setting for them.

Neglecting to let them know you care

Sometimes your kid doesn't obey because he doesn't know how much you care. Carole Stevens told a story of driving her granddaughter to her house. She had to stop the car and re-buckle her over and over again. Stevens tried every tactic in her toolbox to get her granddaughter to stay put for the short ride to her home, but nothing could convince the little girl to stay put. Finally Stevens turned to her and said, Chloe, I am wearing this seat belt because it will protect me. But you arent wearing your seat belt, and you wont be safe. And I will be so sad if you get hurt. Her granddaughter thought about this and said, Grandma, you want me to wear my seat belt because you love me! After Chloe realized this, she was motivated to stay in her seat belt. As you develop a relationship of love and concern for your children, they will want more and more to become the kind of person you want them to be. In other words, they will begin to develop morality for themselves.

As Tim Rarick stated, Its not enough to just say we want our kids to act in a certain way [because] pretty soon they become actors and they dont have the character to do whats right when people arent looking because they were acting when people were looking." If you want to raise kids who have a moral compass, they need to get morality into their hearts. Avoid these behaviors at all costs so that you too can become a moral parent raising moral kids.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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