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5 things your children need to hear you say to them
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Make sure your children hear you say these things to them. - photo by Alicia Walters
We want to be the best parents we can be. In todays world of plentiful parenting advice, moms feel a heavy weight of societys expectations from packing her childs lunch with organic food to making sure she chooses the right career path for them as early as 3rd grade. But what do your children really need to know from their parents? Here are five definite things:

"I love you because ... "

Beyond just the ritual I love you, tell her she is very special to you and explain why. Tell her how exciting it was when you found out you were expecting her. She will love to hear about the preparations you made in her behalf and how of all the girls in the world, she is the perfect one to be your daughter. These things will stay with her wherever she goes and you never know the positive impact a few loving words repeated often will have on your daughter.

"You are beautiful."

I know there is a push not to emphasize outer beauty when talking to our daughters, which is exactly why you need to tell her every day that she is beautiful. If you dont define for her what beauty is, someone else will. Tell her that her smile lights up the entire room. Tell her you love when she fixes her hair or that she looks wonderful when she dresses nicely. Show her how to carry herself well and feel confident in her own skin. The same goes for our sons; they need to hear you say they are handsome, even if they wont admit it.

"I love spending time with you."

Believe me, I get it. It is exhausting to keep up with everything and still have the energy to go outside and play, but maybe that is exactly why we should. Ive seen a few articles going around about what to ask your child when he gets home from school, like an after-school interview. While that isnt inherently wrong, the surest way to stimulate conversation with a child is to say, I would love to play with you!

Take him outside for some fresh air; push her on the swing or play catch. Show him that you enjoy playing together and you will find that the conversation will start on its own. Once you get him talking, then it is easy to get him to open up about how things are going at school. Youll find that conversation will be much more natural during playtime because your child will feel comfortable.

"I was your age once."

It sounds outdated, but he or she needs to know -- and often -- that you have walked in his or her shoes. It may have been a different time and different circumstances, but the feelings were probably similar. Talk to her about some of the hard knocks that youve experienced at various stages in your life and tell her how you worked through them. As you demonstrate empathy to your child over the seemingly little things, she will learn to trust sharing her feelings with you, which will help her to be more willing to share the bigger things that will inevitably come along in her life.

"If you are ever in trouble, I will be there for you."

I do not believe in shaming as an effective parenting technique. Your child will make mistakes. We all make mistakes. He or she needs to know that when mistakes are made, you will be there to help rather than to shame or abandon him or her to others judgments. The earlier this is established, the better for your child. Growing up, my dad would say, If you are ever in a place and it turns out that things are not right, you just call and I will come and get you. Knowing that my father would help me even if I was in the wrong helped me to make choices that kept me safe and out of trouble.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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