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4 surprising facts about the power of an apology
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Experience the relief and peace that giving an apology can bring. These 4 facts just might convince you that it will be well worth it. - photo by Gary and Joy Lundberg
Its true, we all make mistakes in this life. Sometimes those mistakes hurt the ones we care about most, even when we dont realize weve hurt them, and, in most cases, certainly didnt mean to. There may be times we wish we could take back an unkind statement that pierced the heart of a child, parent, spouse, sibling or friend. You may not be able to retract a hurtful comment, but there is something you can do that may help rectify and heal the hurt.

Apologize! Its not that complicated. Yes, it takes some humility and perhaps even courage, but the benefits outweigh any discomfort you may experience on the way to the apology.

Denise Cummins, Ph.D. said, The majority of research indicates that apologies do indeed serve a usefuland objectively measurablepurpose. They convert a desire for revenge into willingness to forgive and forget. That alone is worth giving an apology.

Here are 4 facts about the power of apologizing.

1. It shows an inner strength.

It shows you are in charge of your actions and are not intimidated by others who may need your apology. To not apologize when youve done something that hurt another person is to show weakness and a lack of courage. If, on the other hand, when an apology is being given to you by someone who hurt you, then accepting that apology without making that person grovel and beg for your forgiveness shows a greater measure of humanity. In both cases, the giving and accepting of an apology benefits both parties.

According to researcher Tyler Okimoto, . . . On the way to adulthood, we learn that apologizing isnt groveling or debasing oneself. Instead, the reason we apologize is to make the person we intentionally or unintentionally harmed feel better, not to make ourselves feel better. An apology means I see you were harmed by my action, and that matters to me."

2. Its good for your heart.

In more ways than one. Carrying the burden of a grudge can cause stress that may be damaging to your health. Part of giving and accepting an apology involves forgiving that other person. Dr. Joseph Neumann stated, "When I treated patients with cardiovascular disease, I was struck by how many were bitter, angry and depressed. It clearly affected their health and their ability to heal." Apologizing can free a person of angry feelings and bring about improved health and well-being.

3. It brings peace into relationships.

Have you ever been to a family gathering where some member held a grudge against another? Its an uncomfortable feeling for everyone. Its the elephant in the room. It can damage the whole gathering. Life is too short to allow grudges to destroy families. If you have offended someone, recognize your part in it, take the blame and apologize. By doing so, you may become the family hero in restoring peace.

Its similar in other relationships. Researchers have found that people who are wronged in a business transaction may be more likely to say they would reconcile if the offender offers a sincere apology particularly if the offender takes personal blame for the misdeed. Offer the hand of fellowship and give a heartfelt apology.

4. It makes you more careful in how you treat others.

Acknowledging the difficulties that existed before the apology can help you be more aware of how easily others can be hurt by thoughtless actions or words. It puts you on the alert to do all in your power to avoid hurting others. We cannot control how others will react to what is happening, but we can certainly work at keeping bitterness out of our own lives. Offering an apology can help make that happen.

Being willing to apologize is a valuable trait to have. You may be surprised to see how much peace it can bring into your life. It helps to remember that its not our job to judge. Our job is to forgive and to ask for forgiveness.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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