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2 signs that you have a toxic marriage
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Are small issues in your marriage turning into toxic ones? - photo by Wendy Jessen
We've all encountered an issue that would have been an easy fix if we had resolved it from the beginning. However, left unchecked, these can become a major problem.

For example, if you had a small leak under your sink, you could fix it right away or call the plumber to fix it. If you just leave it leaking, however, you could end up with damaged walls, floorboards, and even toxic mold. Then, not only do you have to fix the leak, but you also have some pretty serious clean up and repairs to deal with to remedy the problem.

It's the same with marriage. Problems will arise, and often start out small, but left without correction, they can become a much larger issue that needs even greater attention. Here are two signs your marriage may be toxic.

1. You insult, blame or are judgmental toward each other

Despite the childhood saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," words do hurt. When you call each other names, blame rather than take responsibility, or make harsh judgments against each other, you are adding to the toxicity of your marriage. These behaviors lead to more anger and defensiveness, rather than working together with love and understanding.

2. Making a big deal out of something small

"You always ... " or "You never ... " statements can damage your relationship. Using absolutes is not fair and usually not truthful either. "Communication between couples at this level is emotionally loaded and is likely to lead to more reactivity through behaviors like escalation, invalidation, negative interpretation or withdrawal and avoidance," stated a Daily Times article.

What can you do instead?

Obviously, refrain from name-calling or put downs. You can't take your words back once you say them. If there's a problem in a marriage, both of you have some fault (most often), so instead of blaming, apologize even if your spouse doesn't and forgive often. Each of us is in our own process of changing, growing and learning to become our best selves. When correction is needed, do it gently and with love. Work out a plan together. You're on the same team.

Rather than letting a small issue escalate into a larger one, take time to think rationally and decide the best way to act. Attacking your spouse with hateful statements will put him or her on the defensive. Once that happens, coming to a resolution will be much more difficult, if not impossible. Be calm. Be loving. Be gentle.

Don't let a small issue become a toxic one. Most problems can be solved in a peaceful and loving manner. Marriage is not always easy; it takes work to have a happy and strong relationship. Work together while treating each other like equals and with love and respect.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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