By allowing ads to appear on this site, you support the local businesses who, in turn, support great journalism.
10 things your wife isn't telling you what she needs
e01022d5f1a70cc0de7a2d8880b44f1cba95a4df7d3e0db16b5f5b0f23ee7789
What things aren't you doing for your wife that she desperately needs? - photo by Melinda Fox
Every human has a few basic needs to feel great about life. Your wife is no different. But at times it can be challenging for her to express what she needs to you. Here are some needs that you have the power to fulfill for your wife even if she isn't telling you.

Permission to be imperfect

With all the expectations from society, family, you and herself, your wife may feel like she's repeatedly failing as she tries to measure up to these standards. She probably won't say it out loud, but what she desperately needs is for you to let her know that you love her the way she is; she doesn't need to earn her value by reaching some standard of perfection.

To be a priority

There's no doubt that you have a load of important things to handle, but your wife needs you to put her before everything else. Because she's your wife, her needs must come before your own, your boss's, your parents' and your kids'.

To feel beautiful

Anything from advertisements to beautiful friends can affect your wife's self-image. You are an important piece in making sure those things don't impact her. Avoid pornography, tell her she's beautiful and let her catch you looking at her. If you think she's attractive, chances are she will think so too.

Recognition

Many women don't get recognized for all that they do. So much of what your wife does may go unthanked because what she does is simply expected. Your wife won't ask to be noticed, but she absolutely needs you to see all the effort she puts in as your children's mother and as your wife. Tell her that what she does is exceptional and express your gratitude.

Your help

She has so much to do and she is capable of doing it, so she may not ask for your help, but she needs you to do it anyway. She needs you to quietly see what needs to be done and go ahead and do it.

A date

Your wife needs to spend time with just you so you can continue to develop your relationship. She needs to be your wife apart from work, kids and daily life. Your wife needs you to romance her and she deserves to be pampered at a nice restaurant or even with a picnic made by you.

To be understood

Listening can do wonders for your wife and your relationship overall. Genuinely ask her how she's doing, listen and remember things that are important to her.

Many times she may come to you hoping that together you can find a solution. Before you can do that, you need to make sure you understand how she's feeling and validate her. Above all else, try to understand your wife.

Partnership

Your wife needs to be an equal partner in your relationship. Make sure her opinion is valued when making decisions, big and small. Turn to her when you need help with something and make sure she can rely on you when she needs help as well.

A friend

Your wife needs someone she can talk to about anything, whom she can be silly with, and who loves her unconditionally. That person should be you. She needs you to be not only her husband, but her friend.

To be touched

Every person needs to be touched, and your wife needs to be touched by you. Don't wait until you're in bed; she needs you to hug her and to take her hand in yours throughout the day.
Sign up for our E-Newsletters
How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
ce406c66b9871a104ac24256a687e4821d75680dcfc89d9e5398939543f7f88f
A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
Latest Obituaries