Finding The One is no easy task.
A 2013 study from Siemens found that 73 percent of people feel that their current partner isnt their true love. In fact, 17 percent of respondents said they met the love of their life even after they started dating their current partner.
"The survey highlighted some colorful revelations about people's love lives," said a spokesman for Siemens, Daily Mail reported. "The results showed it can be hard to find 'the one.' What is alarming is that so many people claim to be in long-term relationships or even married to someone who isn't the true love of their life.
The journey to find the love of your life can be difficult. In fact, YourTango, which publishes surveys about love and relationships, found that people have 285,000 to 1 odds of finding The One.
But all hope isn't lost. Here are 10 things you need to know about finding The One to put the odds back in your favor.
The One may not exist.
Plot twist. The One may not actually be real.
Heidi Priebe wrote for Thought Catalog last month that some people waste a lot of time searching for The One, even when he or she may not exist. In fact, love is such an important facet of life that people spend too much time searching for someone who meets their standards, which keeps them from meeting someone who will truly make them happy, Priebe wrote.
If theres one thing we all need to stop doing, its waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person youve been waiting for, Priebe wrote for Thought Catalog. Live your life as if you are the love of it. Because thats the only thing you know for sure that through every triumph, every failure, every fear and every gain that you will ever experience until the day you die, you are going to be present.
Dan Savage, a relationship expert, said something similar in 2013. Heres a video of Savage explaining how The One isnt real and the concept is a myth.
You have to become The One
Pastor and author Andy Stanley has a simple idea in his new book The New Rules for Love, Sex & Dating instead of looking for The One, make yourself into someone elses one, Stanley said in an interview this week with Relevants Aaron Cline Hanbury.
The theme of the book is we should become the person that the person were looking for is looking for, Stanley said. Are you the person youre looking for is looking for? The reason thats important is because, in every area of life, we understand that preparation is the key to success, but when it comes to relationships, we think that, no, commitment is the key to success: I dont need to prepare for a relationship, I just need to meet the right person and commit to that person."
The One may not be The One until later on
Amanda Jo of Elite Daily wrote in 2013 that her parents didnt realize they were each other's Ones until later in life. She used this example to explain that finding love isnt about finding The One, its about finding someone that will stick out life with you through the good, the bad, the ugly, the sad.
She said that people who make each other happy should strive to keep their relationship alive as long as possible, especially when that relationship makes both partners stronger, smarter and wiser.
If she makes you feel alive and makes your heart feel at home, you stay and you do whatever it takes to make it work because, like he said, there is no greater regret than letting your one find another one, and in those last final moments wishing you could change it all, Jo wrote.
A list can help you find The One
Some may say The One doesnt exist, or that you wont see their love coming. But for those dedicated to finding their true love, creating a list of qualities you would like in a partner may be the best method to choosing the right person. Psychology Todays Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D., wrote in 2012 that the list should include 10 to 20 different qualifications, which should be written with simple phrases like doesnt smoke or has a healthy lifestyle, Sarkis wrote.
The list can help people from falling in love with the wrong person.
When you meet the girl/guy of your dreams, take a look at the list," Sarkis wrote. Falling in love can cloud our judgment. Things that would normally be dealbreakers just fly out the window (Oh, you like to wear live animals as hats? I can work with that!). Take a good look at your list. Does your beloved meet the items on your list? Don't worry if someone doesn't match all of the items, we're not looking for Mr./Mrs. Perfect we're looking for Mr./Ms. Perfect-For-You. Meeting a majority of items is a good sign.
The Huffington Posts Dr. Carmen Harra offered 13 questions people should ask themselves before settling on The One, which may figure into your list.
The One may not be who you think it is
Relevants Margaret Philbrick wrote earlier this year that its never easy finding the love of your life. She said that she once compiled a list of features she wanted in a husband believer, funny and good family but it only led her to men who made her unhappy.
Philbrick suggests a more faith-oriented approach to finding your true love. You should seek someone who was made right for you, not someone you think would be best for you.
It is about walking in all the beauty and color of God's will for my everyday life, Philbrick wrote for Relevant.
The One gives us a false idea of love
Allison Vesterfelt wrote for Relevant that, among other things, the idea of finding The One puts a lot of pressure on each date or time we meet someone. She said the idea of The One makes people think that each potential suitor should act like a Prince Charming or Dream Girl. This then creates the false idea that love is a fairy tale.
Romance exists, and it is beautiful, but it is not a fairy tale, Vesterfelt wrote. When it comes to love and companionship, are you waiting on fate, or walking in faith? The point of love and marriage is to fully commit to one person, yes. But it is only in your hands and God's timing that a someone becomes your one."
The One may come back to you
Earlier this year, people used social media to find their Ones who got away, The Telegraph reported. In fact, former lovers found each other through viral Facebook and Twitter posts, even though they had been separated for many years.
The Telegraph mentioned one story where Patrick Moberg, who met a girl on a Brooklyn subway train but lost sight of her before he could speak with her, was reunited with the girl after a sketchbook drawing of the two went viral across the Internet.
It may not be a tale as old as time, but missed connections have become a standard feature of modern romance, The Guardian reported. But thanks to the massive reach of social media, brief encounters these days have the chance to become something more.
The One isnt always the same person for everyone
Think The One is someone whos just going to sweep you off your feet in this romantically charged moment? No so fast, eager beaver.
The Huffington Posts Kelsey Borresen reported in April that relationship experts have different ideas of what The One looks like, showing that true love is different for every person. For example, Winifred Reilly, a licensed marriage and family therapist, said she knew her partner was The One because he never ran out of things to say on their dates.
Not once did we get bored or run out of things to say. I knew then that 10, 20, 30 years out, we'd still be talking, laughing, keeping life fresh and interesting, Reilly said. And we are."
Its dangerous to call someone The One if theyre not
The Ambrose Girls at Elite Daily said there are some dangers to calling someone The One, whether or not its true. It puts a lot of pressure on your partner and throws them into a marriage-like relationship before rings are exchanged.
Similarly, it may put your relationship on the fast track to commitment when neither partner is ready for it.
Now that youve applied the label, your mind is stuck on this relationship being your forever, Elite Daily reported. Most of us are stubborn as all hell, so we will move mountains and put up with a lot of BS just to prove were right. So, if your relationship really isnt all that great, youll refuse to see it.
Theres something you should do first before you look for The One
Dr. Phil McGraw has a simple tip for you to find the love your life you have to find yourself first, according to an excerpt from his book Love Smart: Find the One You Want Fix The One You Got published on The Huffington Post.
McGraw wrote that people need to understand themselves and their own desires before they can define what they want in another person. And once one does come to peace with who they are, itll make it easier for them to find the person theyre meant to share the rest of their life with.
To get where you want to go, youre going to have to rewrite the script of your life and make yourself the star, McGraw wrote. And you have to define who you want to be your leading man. Then youll know exactly who you are and what youre looking for. No more trying to be all things to all people. No more trying to guess what some man wants and struggling to morph yourself into it. You are going to be the best you can be, rather than somebody you are not, and I promise that will be more than enough to create the love you want.
A 2013 study from Siemens found that 73 percent of people feel that their current partner isnt their true love. In fact, 17 percent of respondents said they met the love of their life even after they started dating their current partner.
"The survey highlighted some colorful revelations about people's love lives," said a spokesman for Siemens, Daily Mail reported. "The results showed it can be hard to find 'the one.' What is alarming is that so many people claim to be in long-term relationships or even married to someone who isn't the true love of their life.
The journey to find the love of your life can be difficult. In fact, YourTango, which publishes surveys about love and relationships, found that people have 285,000 to 1 odds of finding The One.
But all hope isn't lost. Here are 10 things you need to know about finding The One to put the odds back in your favor.
The One may not exist.
Plot twist. The One may not actually be real.
Heidi Priebe wrote for Thought Catalog last month that some people waste a lot of time searching for The One, even when he or she may not exist. In fact, love is such an important facet of life that people spend too much time searching for someone who meets their standards, which keeps them from meeting someone who will truly make them happy, Priebe wrote.
If theres one thing we all need to stop doing, its waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person youve been waiting for, Priebe wrote for Thought Catalog. Live your life as if you are the love of it. Because thats the only thing you know for sure that through every triumph, every failure, every fear and every gain that you will ever experience until the day you die, you are going to be present.
Dan Savage, a relationship expert, said something similar in 2013. Heres a video of Savage explaining how The One isnt real and the concept is a myth.
You have to become The One
Pastor and author Andy Stanley has a simple idea in his new book The New Rules for Love, Sex & Dating instead of looking for The One, make yourself into someone elses one, Stanley said in an interview this week with Relevants Aaron Cline Hanbury.
The theme of the book is we should become the person that the person were looking for is looking for, Stanley said. Are you the person youre looking for is looking for? The reason thats important is because, in every area of life, we understand that preparation is the key to success, but when it comes to relationships, we think that, no, commitment is the key to success: I dont need to prepare for a relationship, I just need to meet the right person and commit to that person."
The One may not be The One until later on
Amanda Jo of Elite Daily wrote in 2013 that her parents didnt realize they were each other's Ones until later in life. She used this example to explain that finding love isnt about finding The One, its about finding someone that will stick out life with you through the good, the bad, the ugly, the sad.
She said that people who make each other happy should strive to keep their relationship alive as long as possible, especially when that relationship makes both partners stronger, smarter and wiser.
If she makes you feel alive and makes your heart feel at home, you stay and you do whatever it takes to make it work because, like he said, there is no greater regret than letting your one find another one, and in those last final moments wishing you could change it all, Jo wrote.
A list can help you find The One
Some may say The One doesnt exist, or that you wont see their love coming. But for those dedicated to finding their true love, creating a list of qualities you would like in a partner may be the best method to choosing the right person. Psychology Todays Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D., wrote in 2012 that the list should include 10 to 20 different qualifications, which should be written with simple phrases like doesnt smoke or has a healthy lifestyle, Sarkis wrote.
The list can help people from falling in love with the wrong person.
When you meet the girl/guy of your dreams, take a look at the list," Sarkis wrote. Falling in love can cloud our judgment. Things that would normally be dealbreakers just fly out the window (Oh, you like to wear live animals as hats? I can work with that!). Take a good look at your list. Does your beloved meet the items on your list? Don't worry if someone doesn't match all of the items, we're not looking for Mr./Mrs. Perfect we're looking for Mr./Ms. Perfect-For-You. Meeting a majority of items is a good sign.
The Huffington Posts Dr. Carmen Harra offered 13 questions people should ask themselves before settling on The One, which may figure into your list.
The One may not be who you think it is
Relevants Margaret Philbrick wrote earlier this year that its never easy finding the love of your life. She said that she once compiled a list of features she wanted in a husband believer, funny and good family but it only led her to men who made her unhappy.
Philbrick suggests a more faith-oriented approach to finding your true love. You should seek someone who was made right for you, not someone you think would be best for you.
It is about walking in all the beauty and color of God's will for my everyday life, Philbrick wrote for Relevant.
The One gives us a false idea of love
Allison Vesterfelt wrote for Relevant that, among other things, the idea of finding The One puts a lot of pressure on each date or time we meet someone. She said the idea of The One makes people think that each potential suitor should act like a Prince Charming or Dream Girl. This then creates the false idea that love is a fairy tale.
Romance exists, and it is beautiful, but it is not a fairy tale, Vesterfelt wrote. When it comes to love and companionship, are you waiting on fate, or walking in faith? The point of love and marriage is to fully commit to one person, yes. But it is only in your hands and God's timing that a someone becomes your one."
The One may come back to you
Earlier this year, people used social media to find their Ones who got away, The Telegraph reported. In fact, former lovers found each other through viral Facebook and Twitter posts, even though they had been separated for many years.
The Telegraph mentioned one story where Patrick Moberg, who met a girl on a Brooklyn subway train but lost sight of her before he could speak with her, was reunited with the girl after a sketchbook drawing of the two went viral across the Internet.
It may not be a tale as old as time, but missed connections have become a standard feature of modern romance, The Guardian reported. But thanks to the massive reach of social media, brief encounters these days have the chance to become something more.
The One isnt always the same person for everyone
Think The One is someone whos just going to sweep you off your feet in this romantically charged moment? No so fast, eager beaver.
The Huffington Posts Kelsey Borresen reported in April that relationship experts have different ideas of what The One looks like, showing that true love is different for every person. For example, Winifred Reilly, a licensed marriage and family therapist, said she knew her partner was The One because he never ran out of things to say on their dates.
Not once did we get bored or run out of things to say. I knew then that 10, 20, 30 years out, we'd still be talking, laughing, keeping life fresh and interesting, Reilly said. And we are."
Its dangerous to call someone The One if theyre not
The Ambrose Girls at Elite Daily said there are some dangers to calling someone The One, whether or not its true. It puts a lot of pressure on your partner and throws them into a marriage-like relationship before rings are exchanged.
Similarly, it may put your relationship on the fast track to commitment when neither partner is ready for it.
Now that youve applied the label, your mind is stuck on this relationship being your forever, Elite Daily reported. Most of us are stubborn as all hell, so we will move mountains and put up with a lot of BS just to prove were right. So, if your relationship really isnt all that great, youll refuse to see it.
Theres something you should do first before you look for The One
Dr. Phil McGraw has a simple tip for you to find the love your life you have to find yourself first, according to an excerpt from his book Love Smart: Find the One You Want Fix The One You Got published on The Huffington Post.
McGraw wrote that people need to understand themselves and their own desires before they can define what they want in another person. And once one does come to peace with who they are, itll make it easier for them to find the person theyre meant to share the rest of their life with.
To get where you want to go, youre going to have to rewrite the script of your life and make yourself the star, McGraw wrote. And you have to define who you want to be your leading man. Then youll know exactly who you are and what youre looking for. No more trying to be all things to all people. No more trying to guess what some man wants and struggling to morph yourself into it. You are going to be the best you can be, rather than somebody you are not, and I promise that will be more than enough to create the love you want.
